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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is the feeling reciprocal

14 replies

Hammondhugh · 01/12/2023 06:33

I fancy a guy at work.
. He doesn’t really look his age he’s 10 years older than me. . He’s not really my usual type. But he’s actually hilarious. I’ve never come across a guy that I find that funny.

Now the issue is. I have quite brutal banter. As in I give as good as I get. I often do it with him at work and I spend around an extra 2 hours at work at the end of the day sometimes just to talk. It’s silly I know but Christ I fancy him so much. I just have no clue how he feels at all.

I’m so bored of figuring out mixed signals. But the age gap is an issue.

I actively flirt with him though. After the work Xmas do. I got a little drunk there. We had some banter but nothing really happened. Anyway, I know I said some stupid things to him drunk. So I avoided him for about 2 days, cowering my head as I walked past or just generally going back the other way if I saw him coming.

Anyway, he approached me the other day saying. "hey. You ignoring me or something. I always see you walk the other way." Anyway I laughed it off and said "maybe but only because of what you said at the Xmas party"

In the end I stayed 2 extra hours after work to talk to him. And I made some very obvious flirting comments. Like I showed him my work and he went "oh fu*k me that's a lot" I went "oof steady on. No thanks" he then just laughed at me and I said "come on hurry up" he then went "oh just wait" I said "can't you do two things at once. I could teach you" so a major sexual innuendo tbh.

Then we spoke about a guy at work who likes my other colleague. He then went "never know. He might like you and be going through her first" I said "no he's not my type anyway." He went "why not. He's close to your age. He's decent and friendly" I went. "Yeah it's still a no." I said "he's got a bad haircut too" he went. "It's like mine" and I said "yeah but yours is nice his isn't" he then said "see it doesn't hurt to say nice things to me once in a while"

Later in the convo he mentioned he had met up with an ex, he said honestly we just ended up arguing in the end. I then said an ex from 4 years back still dipping in and out the scene is odd af. And I said they only come back for one thing anyway.

In the end, I just joked about his age and he went "why can't you say nice things" I often teased men like men tease women as flirting.

TLDR: I like a guy at work I don't know what to make of him because I don’t know if he likes me. I don't think we could have a relationship but I do really fancy him. Help? I just can’t tell if he likes me back

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 01/12/2023 06:37

My advice? Get a cat.

Seriously. Whatever is going on with this guy, it isn't likely to work.

DustyLee123 · 01/12/2023 06:47

You’re spending an awful lot of time entertaining this guy. Just ask him out for a coffee/drink.

Hammondhugh · 01/12/2023 06:53

PaminaMozart · 01/12/2023 06:37

My advice? Get a cat.

Seriously. Whatever is going on with this guy, it isn't likely to work.

True😂it would be a fling for me

OP posts:
User69371527 · 01/12/2023 07:00

The “banter” sounds a bit cringey 😆
”fuck me” “no thanks” nudge nudge wink wink

Draoicht · 01/12/2023 07:08

User69371527 · 01/12/2023 07:00

The “banter” sounds a bit cringey 😆
”fuck me” “no thanks” nudge nudge wink wink

Yes, it sounds like it should have the Benny Hill theme tune as a soundtrack.

OP, you appear to be priding yourself on your ‘brutal banter’, but all it seems to have led to in this case it a dead end of continual ‘fnar fnar’ comments. Are you actually staying at work for TWO HOURS extra every day to hone your ‘bantz’ on this guy?

Wouldnt it be easier just to ask him out?

Hammondhugh · 01/12/2023 07:16

Draoicht · 01/12/2023 07:08

Yes, it sounds like it should have the Benny Hill theme tune as a soundtrack.

OP, you appear to be priding yourself on your ‘brutal banter’, but all it seems to have led to in this case it a dead end of continual ‘fnar fnar’ comments. Are you actually staying at work for TWO HOURS extra every day to hone your ‘bantz’ on this guy?

Wouldnt it be easier just to ask him out?

I could but rejection isn’t my strong point😅

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 01/12/2023 07:25

I am rubbish at social signals but if you want to have sex with him, why not just ask him? Subtly or less subtly. Obviously not “will you sleep with me” but definitely in a more direct way than you’ve been approaching it - asking for a coffee, a less-stereotypical “date” activity or even just ask him to walk you home (my current BF walked me home at his insistence, I invited him in and we’re six months into a relationship).
I’d say his laughing off your “banter” indicates that there’s an easy, comfortable side to your partnership, although I often wait until I know someone considerably better before I go to the level you’ve described.

I know it isn’t conventional but just be straightforward about it. It baffles me that there is so much to-do about “does he like me” and when to reply to texts and stuff like that. It’s really simple and as you’ve said you might have an enjoyable fling!

WashableVelvet · 01/12/2023 07:32

It sounds like you are showing him you fancy him by repeatedly mildly insulting him as a joke? And he’s the one with the mixed signals?

madaboutmad · 01/12/2023 07:35

WashableVelvet · 01/12/2023 07:32

It sounds like you are showing him you fancy him by repeatedly mildly insulting him as a joke? And he’s the one with the mixed signals?

Exactly.

Hammondhugh · 01/12/2023 07:48

madaboutmad · 01/12/2023 07:35

Exactly.

I get mild insults back. I did back off for a bit too. Just to see what happened

OP posts:
madaboutmad · 01/12/2023 07:49

He’s commenting on it to check. Ask him out.

Hammondhugh · 01/12/2023 17:45

madaboutmad · 01/12/2023 07:49

He’s commenting on it to check. Ask him out.

😂😂what - is that what men do. These games bore me. I got out of a long term relationship and tbh, I love to flirt and I know men love the thrill of the chase, but, I’m scared of rejection.

never cottoned on that he’d be checking. I say that because he mentioned an ex.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 01/12/2023 18:16

I could but rejection isn’t my strong point

Work on this. Unless you're still at school, you're going to need to step into the adult world at some point soonish.

category12 · 01/12/2023 20:51

I don't think dipping your nib in the company ink is a good idea.

Not for just a shag anyway. Won't it be awkward afterwards?

Can't you just enjoy the banter and look elsewhere for a bunk up?

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