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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Financial issues

2 replies

boilingstormyseas · 01/12/2023 06:22

My husband has recently lost yet another job. Our lives have been a financial rollercoaster and so I’ve made a huge effort to become financially independent of him for my own sanity. Our relationship isn't in a good place either as his behaviour over the years has been pretty awful. He now has no income and despite saying he is trying hard to get another job nothing is forthcoming and meanwhile I am working flat out and continuing to manage everything else at home (you know the picture).

It has now become apparent that he has some large credit card debts. For the last couple of months I’ve had to pay towards them but this is unsustainable and I need him to take responsibility for them, face up to them and find a solution eg consolidating them or going to a debt counsellor to try and get them to be more manageable. He’s very reluctant to do so and is making me out to be the bad guy for asking him to face facts.

We’ve been married for 30 years and I’m just exhausted by it all (not sleeping well either because of this). It's pretty likely he has adhd but he also refuses to ask for help for this. I’m tired of being the responsible adult whilst he behaves with the maturity of a teenager. Where do I go from here? And kicking him out isn't an option (at the moment).

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/12/2023 06:39

Stop giving him a penny towards his debts, make him face up to it!

DustyLee123 · 01/12/2023 06:51

Yes, stop paying his debt.
And if making yourself financially independent means you’ve got savings, half is his. And half that pension you’re probably paying, and he’s not. Honestly, you need to think about this.

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