I don’t know what to do. My narcissistic ex, who abused me mentally and emotionally during our marriage and was sexually inappropriate towards my daughter, has maintained a relationship with his son. He has moved to a different city and now lives with another woman and her daughter. He is loaded and now in therapy apparently and my son says he’s much nicer these days.
A couple of years ago i moved towns to make things easier for my son because he was struggling with the distance with his dad. Now I have no friends and am lonely. Since my son turned 18 my husband’s family - with whom I was close which was lovely because I don’t have family - have cut me out completely. I can only imagine it’s something my ex husband has said.
my son has always had problems with depression, like me, and he’s decided to drop out of uni. I supported him with every decision he’s ever made but now he’s decided to live with his dad. There he’s part of a family and with me he’s just with me. When he comes home he spends all his time in his room and I feel like an embarrassment. Nothing I do is right.
I’ve never talked to my son about his dad’s behaviour and I’ve tried to be the best mum I can to both my kids. But now I feel abandoned and alone. My daughter is now in a good place after years of abusive relationships. And we are close. But I feel like I’ve lost my son.
I don’t have family of my own because they were abusive to me growing up. I don’t make friends because I’m in my 50s now and it feels too late. I don’t have a partner - my last was needy and a liar - and I don’t feel like I ever will again. I am so depressed I feel suicidal a lot of the time and am on medication now.
i don’t know whether to move back to the town where my daughter lives - and where I work - or to stay where I am in case my son decides he does want to live here after all. I do have a couple of friends here and I’m sick of moving around but if I move I will be further away from my so. (And I feel like a bad mum because I don’t have a family home or a family to offer my kids).
meanwhile my abusive ex has moved on, reinvented himself, has a huge family and a great job and money for ongoing therapy. I am trying to be grateful and appreciative for everything I have but I am devastated. I feel like every relationship I’ve ever had has fallen apart. I’ve done as much therapy as I can for years and years and now I’m just alone.
i don’t know what to do.
should i move?
how do i let go of all the anger and unfairness?
should I tell my son why i don’t have contact with his dad?
how do i start again?
im just lost.