If you tell a parent they have upset you and they get really shitty, what do you do?!

[bohemianbint]

It started innocuously enough last night, was talking to my mum on the phone and at the end of the conversation I said that I know she was probably trying to help but I was a bit upset that she cut my son's hair on Saturday without asking.

She got really arsey and said that it was ridiculous and as I seem desperate to have a go at her all the time (I had to speak to her just after Christmas because she told everyone in the world I was pregnant when we'd asked for it to be kept quiet) that she just "wouldn't do anything with DS ever again."

I was really expecting that and it really shocked and upset me. They've done lots of things since DS was born 19 months ago that have really upset me, and I've never said anything to them about it. Specifically they really pressured me to stop breastfeeding and constantly went on about how it wasn't sufficient, was disgusting and wasn't worth the bother when formula is "just as good", they went on at me because I wouldn't leave him to cry from day one and eventually told me that as I was isolating everyone and not taking advice that everyone would leave me to it.

The upshot of the conversation was that my mum got really angry and defensive and either denied that things I mentioned had ever happened, or told me I was "ridiculous." She wants to come round with my dad to straighten things out but I don't know how to handle it to be honest - I can't be doing with another session of being told that if I'm upset it's because I'm hysterical and stupid and that they are in no way at fault.

Should I avoid talking to them about it again, or try with DP there (they're much nicer in front of him.) Any tips?

Hi, bohemian just to say i comletely relate to everything you are saying, my parents are absolutely horrible to deal with at the mo. Ive allways had a difficult relationship with my mother but it did seem to improve while my ds1 was between ages 1-3.5 but yet again it has gone sour. It is very hard to deal with as being mums ourselves we know the love and passion we feel for our kids and just want the same feeling back from our own folks. At the moment we are at a stalemate, like yourself ive been told im completely imagining things that have been said and its just my way!! She will not take any blame or even agree to any fault in herself whatsoever. My friends and dh have told me to treat her like a difficult guest so that i come to not expect anything of her, yet all i want is a bit of love and empathy. I am going to try and get hold of this toxic parent book, as i feel i need some sort of help. Hope this post makes you feel less alone in your situation