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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Respectfully, what should I do?

5 replies

DiaAsks · 29/11/2023 23:35

It all started with us meeting online the same way I met my Friend group/Roommates, gaming. We instantly clicked no issues with communicating or having a good time. When I told him I liked him he mentioned that he’s not a long distance type of guy and said no. I am but he’s not but I let him know that I was not expecting to keep it that way. I’m an adult, life is short don’t got time to really wait with how the world is. So, we tried and everything went well and still is. The only problem is I’m not sure if I’m doing anything right, wrong, for me, or just anything. I don’t know anymore. I recently moved out here and I just can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling NOT because of him but the situation. The place we live in they had a note come on the day I was coming by bus and they mentioned eviction due to multiple guest staying over the night more than a week as a warning. And theyve been here for only a week. He lives with his mom and two siblings because we’re all trying to save more money then go our separate ways. But his siblings decided to invite their gf’s over every day and have them stay after saying they’re leaving so they literally made this situation risky. Then thanksgiving, it was even more people and they kept being loud when he tried to tell them they can’t be loud. Then a note came. That’s y I’m uncomfortable and I’m in school for Pharmacy Technician but come to find out I have to let them know I’m moving (I did a month in advance) and after moving I’m just now getting new information about me having to be approved. I’m pissed and stressed in an emotionally way. Idk wtf to do but leave. But that’s only because I’m scared. Which will end our relationship because like I said he’s not a LD type of guy. before I came here I went to go see my doctor apparently I’m a bit unhealthy and me going was questioned by my mom. Then I didn’t get paid the amount of money I was expecting so I came with less money on me and it cut us off on so many plans when I arrive. THEN that note happened. THEN I almost missed my bus because they claimed it was delayed till 9am which it was not. THEN MY SCHOOL APPROVAL/DISAPPROVAL. We both agreed that if it don’t work out I’ll leave but me leaving results in us not being together and I don’t know if that’ll affect the friend group of him joining us to play. It doesn’t matter but I don’t want it to end bad or him showing up less. I took the risk to go after hearing about the note because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be happy about “not trying” I’m always missing out on stuff in life because I do it for others so this time I tried to do what “I” want but then my school got in the way. I got disapproved. So I have to go back or I’ll owe them? But should I? I already owe so many things as it is but idk what to do. I’ve been stressed out for the past month or so since I went to the doctor more than I have ever been in my life and now I can’t even think. I just don’t know….its strange because this question keeps popping up “what is the universe trying to tell me?” My mom said that twice then he said that to himself when they claimed my bus was late. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a failure to my mom and have to drop out of school again I don’t want want to be one of those people with no career or anything to fall back on. My dad taught me well and my mom did too. I don’t want to struggle even longer financially. I don’t have anyone else to ask so what? I’m not regretting anything probably taking things further with him because maybe a note would have never showed up maybe the future would’ve been different.

OP posts:
Squirrelsonthescaffolding · 30/11/2023 06:10

I’m not sure what to say as you seem to have a lot going on. Can you talk it through with your mum or anyone else irl? Maybe try to sort out one thing at a time. Maybe now is the time to focus on your studies and maybe if he’s right for you you can move to be near him when you’re qualified and can get a job and somewhere more secure to live. Maybe that’s what they mean when they say what is the universe telling you.

It’s good that you’re trying to think about doing things you want, so maybe think about what you want in the long term, the career you write about, and maybe some other things have to wait while you focus on that. Maybe write down different options and the pros and cons of each, short term and long term to help get things clear in your mind. good luck with it all!

Shoxfordian · 30/11/2023 06:16

It sounds like you're overwhelmed, try to focus on your studies- are you living with him? Maybe find somewhere else

DiaAsks · 30/11/2023 16:56

I am overwhelmed but most of all scared things won’t turn out right to the point where that fear is pushing me back and already finding ways to escape it. I never learned how to handle stress or stuff like that. Then I’m doing this all on my own and without any type of family members near. I am focused on my studies still but the program i was in, is not eligible for the area I’m in so i have to change it to one that is. My friends said i can come back but if i go back that’ll result in us not being together together anymore and i don’t want it to be funny between us or when we’re around his friends. He can’t do long distance any longer which is why it’ll end. I know I’ll feel better if i leave but that’s only because I’m no longer scared.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2023 17:01

I think you made a big mistake in moving. Your primary focus should be to finish your education. Your priority needs to be making sure you can always financially support yourself.

Pinkbonbon · 30/11/2023 17:20

I do think you need to leave amd ho back to study.

I don't think going out there was necessarily a mistake because I think its amazing to have the courage in life to do things like that. And we learn and grow from these experiences.

But sometimes, they don't work out.

Last year, I tried to move country. It didn't work out and I was gutted. But I'm glad I tried. Its left me worse off but...still with more respect for myself. I know I can be brave and I know I can pick myself back up again even when my dreams don't work out.

There will be other men. But this guy...isn't it.
Give yourself permission to go home.

Failing is part of life. We only really fail a. When we never try. And b. When we hold onto things that clearly aren't working for far too long.

Go back and finish your course.
Be proud that you tried. But mature enough to recognise that this time it failed. And that's OK.

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