Is it really love?

Ashbo12 · 2023-11-29T21:54:20+00:00

my question is, if you truly love someone would you put yourself in a position to loose them? More than once, especially when you knew the repercussions if they were to find out?

Rainydays777 · 29/11/2023 22:22

No… and if you’re talking about cheating, definitely no

Shoxfordian · 29/11/2023 22:29

No

DustyLee123 · 30/11/2023 06:59

No. But if you actually loved someone you wouldn’t get in that position anyway.

Hiddenvoice · 30/11/2023 07:00

I think it depends on the situation. If it’s cheating then no, you don’t truly love them. If it was something like being required to move for work then I guess it comes down to how much effort you’d be willing to put in etc

TomatoSandwiches · 30/11/2023 07:05

Whatever the situation it rarely is every love and even if it is love is rarely enough.

Seaoftroubles · 30/11/2023 07:18

Difficult to say without context but if its cheating then No.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 30/11/2023 07:19

What do you mean?

Original poster

Ashbo12 · 30/11/2023 07:38

Yeah the situation is cheating, long term on and off cheating kind of, after they already got caught kind of once, it doesn’t seem to of stopped them interacting with one another

OP posts:

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 30/11/2023 07:47

I think they can love you on some level, but they will always love themselves more. It wouldn't be enough for me.

theduchessofspork · 30/11/2023 07:49

Is this and addiction issue?

If so then plenty of addicts do, because their addiction is what drives them. So they have to recover from that before a relationship is possible.

Humanswarm · 30/11/2023 07:53

So the cheating is with one particular person, whom he can't seem to leave alone? Is that correct?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 30/11/2023 08:09

No, he doesn't love you enough if he's cheating on you.

AltitudeCheck · 30/11/2023 08:12

You can love more than one person. Successful monogamy is not getting into that situation in the first place!

Imagine a situation where you had two very dear friends, neither of who you would want to be without and who you would hate to hurt. What would you do if one friend (the oldest friend perhaps?) asked you to cut contact completely with the other friend? What if after some time the second friend, who you missed and hated not seeing, reached out? Perhaps they needed you, perhaps they just missed you... Can you see how hard it would be not to reconnect? What if instead of two friends it was your two children asking you to chose.

I'm not saying cheating is ok, getting there is wrong if you've promised someone else monogamy but breaking up with someone you still love is hard.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 30/11/2023 08:14

AltitudeCheck · 30/11/2023 08:12

You can love more than one person. Successful monogamy is not getting into that situation in the first place!

Imagine a situation where you had two very dear friends, neither of who you would want to be without and who you would hate to hurt. What would you do if one friend (the oldest friend perhaps?) asked you to cut contact completely with the other friend? What if after some time the second friend, who you missed and hated not seeing, reached out? Perhaps they needed you, perhaps they just missed you... Can you see how hard it would be not to reconnect? What if instead of two friends it was your two children asking you to chose.

I'm not saying cheating is ok, getting there is wrong if you've promised someone else monogamy but breaking up with someone you still love is hard.

Edited

Sure you can. But cheating is still cheating whether you have a poly mindset or not. You don't cheat on someone you profess to love.

Original poster

Ashbo12 · 30/11/2023 08:53

Yes that’s right, one particular person

OP posts:

Original poster

Ashbo12 · 30/11/2023 08:56

Humanswarm · 30/11/2023 07:53

So the cheating is with one particular person, whom he can't seem to leave alone? Is that correct?

The cheating situation came to light a good few months ago, got told it wasn’t true, yet there is still ongoing contact with the person in question, kind of as if no matter what they are unable to leave each other alone

OP posts:

SpringleDingle · 30/11/2023 09:06

You don't do anything to risk losing the person you love if you really love them. Cheating is a choice and at some point he/she chose to do something they knew would hurt you badly if you knew about it. I won't be in a relationship with someone who would choose to do something that would hurt me.

Humanswarm · 30/11/2023 13:25

If they can't leave the other person alone, whilst it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you, it does mean they don't respect you. So, for me, that would be it. Because love without respect, well it means nothing does it?

simonlebone · 30/11/2023 22:35

How does someone kinda get caught?

You suspect? Has he admitted to some type of physical attraction or contact? Have you asked him to stop contact? If you have asked and he hasn't, why? I'm not saying you should, that's up to him.

Doesn't sound like you've much /or perhaps have lost trust in him.