How do I get past this?

[Maxine8900]

Hi,
I'm hoping I can get some advice on how to deal with this anxiety. I was previously in a physical and emotionally abusive relationship and I'm struggling to keep my anxiety at bay.

I met someone on a dating site 3 weeks ago and things are going really well. We've seen each other about 6 times and planning on a 7th - we also talk everyday.

I'm trying to keep my worries at bay but I'm constantly scared he's talking to other women from the dating site or he's just going to disappear from my life. I was constantly being treated as an option in my previous relationship so now I read into every little thing.

I know there's no magical cure but I just need some perspective please

well yes - he could be talking to other women, he could ghost you.

But that’s the risk we take with a new relationship. and it sounds promising so just enjoy and take it day by day

How long have you been out of the abusive relationship and have you done the Freedom Programme or had any counselling?

@category12 It's been about 6/7 months - I had some counselling but I just couldn't get to grips with it

I'm constantly scared he's talking to other women from the dating site or he's just going to disappear from my life
I don't honestly think you're in the right headspace to be dating - it seems like you're investing so much into someone you've known only 3 weeks. You've seen each other a lot in that time - it seems like a big rush. You're hyper-vigilant and treating him as the prize.

I think you need to be happy in yourself and in a place where you can take or leave it more.

I don't think 6/7 months is really long enough to have got yourself match-fit for dating after abuse. When a person has been in abusive relationship(s), it's like catnip to predators, and it's really common to fall into further abusive relationships.

I think you need to listen to your anxiety - it's screaming at you, maybe not because he's going to run away with other women or whatever, but because you're maybe not ready to be doing this.

op what are your personal circumstances beyond this new relationship? children? work?

Make plans with friends and family, take up a hobby that gets you out of the house.
Keep busy so you don't have the time to think about him.

One day you'll realise that he's no longer the focus of your thoughts and you've created a better life for yourself.

Give him benefit of the doubt unless he becomes flaky or starts mentioning other women, just see how it goes, a bit like him being on probation, it's his chance to show you he's treating you right, any mishaps then you need to be the first to put an end to it.