How to get over someone you still have to see?

[Confused198236]

I have fallen completely head over heels for someone but nothing can ever happen- the pain is ruining my life at the moment. I really need to get over it and move on- but how when I still have to see him?

We went away together recently with our sport for a tour and had the most amazing time away- there was a definite spark and connection. Nothing physical happened whatsoever but several conversations about life, the universe and everything and whether we were overstepping boundaries.

He is unhappily married but determined to stay for the kids. I am unhappily married, also staying for the kids and have been thinking of ending it for a couple of years (before I knew him so not for him).

I know that cold turkey is best and wish that I could do that- but I can’t leave the coaching. This is outing but we are the only two people qualified to coach juniors in our niche sport in the region so leaving would mean that the club would close and all those kids have to stop doing the sport (including mine so vested interest!). So there is no way I can do that.

This is really awful- I’ve had crushes before which have passed but this is different. I actually think I’m in love with him. It’s been a year and it’s not going away.

So- any tips for getting over someone you are totally in love with when nothing can ever happen and you still have to see them?

You're already making excuses as to why you have to see him and can't leave, so I can guess what's going to happen. You're going to end up taking it further on one of these trips or whatever. It's been done countless times before and it always starts 'innocent', but if you're already talking about your personal lives and partners and how shitty your marriages are you're already crossing the line, you know you both fancy eachother so if you carry on it's going to escalate.

Thanks for your reply but you misunderstood me- I would never have an affair. We could only ever be together if we were both single and he is determined not to leave. So that is the end of that- I need to get over him. But how?

This is very sad. I feel for you.

How old are your children? It sounds like you want to leave your husband anyway, so perhaps doing that and at least not staying in an unhappy marriage would bring you some peace and the possibility of romance in the future to look forward to, even if not with this person.

Thanks @ironorchids. They are 11 and 13 and the thought of breaking up their home for my own selfish reasons is awful. But I am so miserable. I wish I could just be happy with what I have.

I'm sorry but having been in a similar situation your only option is to cut all contact completely.
It will hurt like hell at first - it's like a bereavement but if you are certain that you both want to remain with your current partners it's the only way. You need to prioritise your only family and well-being over the sport/other peoples kids.

The pain will pass over time. You will wonder what might have been but at least you will know you did all you could.

I'm sorry but you are already having an affair, an emotional affair.

Do you think talking to one another about how horrible your marriages are is not disloyal.

Or to put it another way, if your 'friend' started telling his wife how horrible you are, would you find that disloyal ? You would hate it.

And so does your husband, and his wife.

Get it.

This is a horrible and yet so common situation

fortunately the crush i developed before the end was with a player so whilst I fancied him I knew that nothing could happen (and it didn’t )

I think your brain is playing a very cruel trick as quite frankly this is bringing NO joy
none
it’s the worst crush ever !
you gain fuck all and spend the whole time in kidery

also you don’t have to stay married right ? You know that ?

personally I’d put your MH over and above kids doing a sport
there are many other sports
so I’d seriously make some plans to change this at some stage
for example if you had an illness you would stop

so why isn’t your mental anguish a good enough reason

And save up and plan for some therapy to figure Things out

you only have one life x

I know that cold turkey is best and wish that I could do that- but I
can’t leave the coaching. This is outing but we are the only two people
qualified to coach juniors in our niche sport in the region so leaving
would mean that the club would close and all those kids have to stop
doing the sport (including mine so vested interest!). So there is no way
I can do that.

The children (juniors) will know you are flirting with one another, so will your children.

Why do adults think children are oblivious to their surroundings.

Come back down to earth and be respectful of your marriage and children, or make plans to divorce. Don't use this man as an easy landing, even your children will know you are branch swinging.

Have a think about how that branch may not be available, when the crunch time hits.

Hmm been there.

I honestly think you can't get over him if you are seeing each other all the time. The only way I have been able to move on - a bit - is to change jobs and not see him any more. We still text quite a bit and even that I find perpetuates my feelings.

Sorry. It's fucking awful, I completely understand the pain of it. Really I do.

This won’t go down well on here but if I were you I’d just go ahead and have an affair with him. Life’s too short to be unhappy.

Split up with your husband and ask him to do the same.

I honestly think the only way is to go no contact. Which you could do, if you really wanted to.

Life’s too short to be unhappy.

Or if you're in any way decent....

Life's too short to make someone unhappy.

Try to fix your marriage or get divorced. Kids would rather you did that than they later find out they were living in a sham family or watching unhappy parents. Up to the other man what he does about his own failing marriage.

QAnoun
😂😂

it won’t make her happy though

he won’t leave his wife and she’s have fucking years of this torment and misery if she has an affair with him
I can almost guarantee it