Sorry if this is a long one I’m struggling so much.
split up partner of 3 years 2 weeks ago.
it’s been difficult 3 years. Lots of rows that always went to the extreme. I probably started them a fair but as was frustrated. But he would go into overdrive and throw so much stuff in my face that I didn’t know was problem.
when first together he would ignore me when he went out.. leave phone at home.
once after a row he went out and denied he was. I heard a phone call in pocket of him and a women.
there has been drug use( which stopped with help)
when it ended It was because I wasn’t doing some thing but I felt he wasn’t. He then said he hadn’t loved me. I said we discussed marriage, he said it was a joke.
we had amazing times, then I a row he would say it wasn’t.
he was secretive with phone. Notifications of.
anyways 1 day after it was over a women was in his house who said they were together.
my biggest problem is I blame myself for it all, he always said I wasn’t good enough in a argument. Always had a list of things I did wrong. Sometimes these from years ago. Said I was not affectionate enough and didn’t show I loved him. I told him every day.
when it was good I thought it was .. he would act like he did but later would bring up a problem.
I have never felt so confused or heartbroken. I have lots going on and he’s the person I want. He has so much hate.
he called my work as I emailed him.
I know I need to get over but how. My mind is all over the place.