I don't really know why I'm here but I'd like peoples take on this ... as I have much adult trauma.
I am 31 with 3 children.
My life hasn't been rosy. I've been in domestic violence relationships and been a single mum etc. I've really struggled. But I've come out the other side. I've moved city on my own with my children to escape violence. I have got myself a job in school hours. Made the new awful house a home. And focused to be the best mum I can be with nothing and a broken heart.
I've met a man who is a god send. Who has took on me and my children who loves us all and has supported me in all ways. He's my soul mate. But it took me a lot to get here. And I'm still healing of course.
My parents have been together since they were 16. My dad was always controlling to my mum me and my brother. For example, we wasn't allowed to watch soaps on TV we was told that's for losers etc. it was very strict. He was disrespectful to my mum many times and I remember her crying a lot. She's 63 now and still cries a lot!
My dad is a real business man and he provided very well financially and took us on the most luxury holidays etc but something was missing and I spent my childhood trying to meet his expectations and I went out my way to do this so I was always his favourite.
Now I'm an adult, if I need help in anyway I am his favourite person because he feels important.
But since I've gained my independence and stood on my own feet and over come hardship on my own, he is throwing put downs at me constantly.
He reminds me of the bad men I chose, he reminds me of helping me with financial struggle and reminds me I was apparently a bad child and caused him herendous pain? He also has a go at me for being friends with his side of the family as he sees it as back stabbing? However, I love his side of the family and they love me.
My parents never visit me or have a cuppa with me or anything like that and that hurts. However, they have gone above and beyond to try and assert control over my children. They will spoil them, ask to have them, and have been known to speak badly of me around them.
I have always longed for a relationship with my mum and to be her friend now I'm an adult but she never accepts my offers of seeing me or anything but will make effort with my kids.
My mum has always been co dependant on my dad and his needs are always first. She will not do anything without him. She has always been his servant if you like.
As an adult, I've grown to not want to be weak like my mum and to be a strong independent woman as a role model to my children to show them they can achieve and over come anything in this world alone if needed. And I dream of being my children's best friend when they are older and always be present for them without wanting anything in return.
I have suffered with terrible anxiety, depression and attachment issues as an adult and I've had to dig deep. I've totally backed away from my family and I don't visit them anymore as they trigger me and make me feel like a bad person when I'm trying to set life foundations for myself.
Any advice on this? It's really hard when your own family do nothing but remind you of downfalls in your life that you've over come xxxx