Has he cheated/been unfaithful

[KR15sunny]

sorry long post
Been married for 15 years together for 17. 3 kids healthy sex life at least 2/3 times a week odd blip obviously for pregnancy etc, feel like my life has blown up these past few months.

husband travels with work at times whilst away a few months ago and not being very communicative (no contact 24hours) felt annoyed that I could see him on insta but not just generally checking in on me if that makes sense.

I then decided to look at his insta found that he was following 2 only fans models (A man who only follows 17 people) which then kick started my digging.
he denied knowing how to follow people or how to use insta I let this go as couldn't find any evidence of only fans account
2 weeks later found out he had searched up a friend of mine (attractive) (plus other celebs etc but not important) shared a video (of her working out from a personal trainer account) with his mate which he’d “found on insta”
My gut was telling me something just wasn’t right
kept digging
found an email from last year in his sent box (he had deleted the inbox message) where he had arranged a massage directly with a woman in his hotel room at night the contact he claims came from the hotel as they don’t have a spa denied any wrong doing said he needed it because he suffers from sports injury’s swore he’d never done it before and it was a one off
I have this week discovered another massage was booked in his hotel room whilst working away from home (on our kids birthday) on the booking he specified the therapist (his words “well I don’t want an ugly woman giving me a massage”) used a secret iCloud email address for the booking
this hotel does have a spa
can’t help but feel sick that this is not an innocent massage
Aldo found on the credit card he’d visited a strip club I know men do this mainly out of peer pressure but sadly he spent a shit load of money on lap dances he says 4 so who knows
Q. Am I going mad? Am I being stupidly paranoid and this is innocent
feel like I’m losing my mind

Ask him how he would feel if you were having massages from men in a hotel rooms and how would he feel if you went to a club and had half naked men dancing on your lap?

I’m not sure what is classed as cheating, in my eyes it’s doing something with someone else that you wouldn’t want your partner to do with someone else. Who knows if he has slept with anyone else or paid for sex? I would guess someone who pays for lap dances and private massages would probably also pay for sex?

No you definitely are not going mad . I just want to be there for you.
I don't think he's having an affair but he's definitely having massages with " extras "
He may also have had some kind of sexual contact with the lap dancers.
I've been in your position .
And was just like I've said.
( Divorced him).

He's obviously got very sleazy tendencies even if not having an affair- depends if you are the kind of person who can turn a blind eye to this sort of stuff- personally I couldn't

Of course you are not going mad, you are married to a sexist, misogynist, lying pig of an arsehole fuckface.

I couldn't put it better myself.

He's been cheating, I can't imagine any professional sports massage woman that would be fine with meeting a male client in a hotel room.

Divorce this repulsive excuse of a human being. He is truly vile. And for god's sake stop sleeping with him

Or tell him you have a load of massages from handsome men as you will no longer accept ugly men like him. Tell him you have sent a video of a good looking friend of his working out to your female friend and are following them on social media. Tell him you have been to a strip club and have had four men showing you their giant penises because his is too small and you need more.

He is a fucking joke

Don't know if you would class it as cheating. Would class it as being a total and utter failure of a human being. Why on earth would you want your kids growing up around a man like this?

Good god woman. I'm so sorry for you but... if you need to ask if even one of these tho is ok then he's done a number on you.

Disgusting. All of it. He's a pig. Divorce his sleazy ass. Whether it's cheating or not it's entitled gross behaviour and he takes you for a mug.

Sorry to be so brutal but sounds like you need the truth writ large.

Should probably have some concrete evidence before you follow the harpies and divorce the man you have spent a large portion of your life with. You are not wrong for suspecting something either, but please don't take any advice from some of the women on here. They are projecting their own sins as a coping method.

Innocent massages don’t need the justification of “it was just a one off”.

leave now and save yourself the gaslighting

Ignore this harpie OP, she is projecting her own sins (whatever that may mean)

Im so sorry you're going through this. This sounds like sex addiction.
You will want to look into betrayal trauma for yourself.

A good group on reddit is love after porn and numerous betrayal trauma groups on Facebook.

Lots of podcasts such as pbse , helping couples heal, choose to be. Can help with education and moving forward either together or alone.

Generally I read these threads and it’s fairly clear it’s likely to be innocent, even if the responses are mainly ltb. In this instance, I’m afraid I think your husband is paying for prostitution.

@Dadvice when you talk about projecting their own sins, are you suggesting that the 'harpies' on here go around exploiting and degrading women?

Harpies and sins? What are you a blow back from the 1800s? 😂

This^
My ex did stuff like this...minimised it..ended up he had slept and paid a webcam girl . actually met up...yep.
Hes lied..if its normal massage, why the new email address..itd b divorce for me. I class it as cheating, but also .the lying. If he hasn't cheated yet, he will

He's paying for sex, not massages. He's does this when away from home and it's a regular occurrence. No doubt he will minimise it all if asked outright .. quite a classic response. Men just can't seem to be faithful and keep their dick in their pants!! Been there got the t-shirt, ltb and he's still at it to this day. Sadly there's only one ending to this, you know that really 😞