Narcissistic ex

[Kirstyl990]

Hello

So for 10 years on and off me and my ex have been on and off mainly because he would, ghost, gaslight, manipulate, control and then I would forgive and forgive. Basically been in a trauma bond for all these years. This person never wanted kids. We came back together in Dec 2021 when I was going through issues with someone else I was with and he hated that and we ended up reconnecting February 2022 we moved in and March 2022 I fell pregnant with my amazing boy who was planned ( should have listened to this red flag never wanted kids and then all of a sudden he was happy to have a child) anyway 95% of my pregnancy I spent in pain and crying and then after I gave birth was the same and then he upped and left to work away in March when my son was 12 weeks. A week after leaving to work on the ship he was like I love you millions, don't want be without you etc then the next day started ghosting me and for the last 7 months of him being away was just the worst, lots of hurtful things have been said and done. Then he came home 15th October and still not seen his son, as when I met up with him he purposely said things to trigger me and it didn't end up great and I walked away. I have done my best for this man and his family, his mum is basically the same and I have her emailing as him and now it's been nearly 6 weeks since they said they had spoken to a solicitor and a mediator and I have heard nothing. Apparently he has been told not to talk to me even though I have literally never done anything and I'm all my communication I have begged him to be a dad and to sort this with me because I care. About them all and want my son to have a life of love and happiness with everyone getting on. I come from a broken home so I know what it feels like. It's caused me some much stress and pain and still causing me
Pain because I'm waiting for them or this legal stuff to happen, I have a domestic abuse case worker because of the emotional and mental abuse and I feel like it's never going end. As a new mum my son is turning 1 in a couple of weeks and I am just exhausted and my mum really looking to reach out to other mums who maybe have/are going through something similar. There are lots of other things that have happened but that's basically in a short nutshell. How do I stop thinking about all of this, how do I stop the anxiety and my head keep thinking about the memories that were prob not real for him? I literally just wanted the best for everyone and yet I am stuck and really now hurting myself for being stuck. I am awaiting counselling and practicing gratitude and trying meditation and I am on my spiritual path of healing but it's just a lot. Thank you

From your post I gather you've not had the best childhood yourself, so I'm going to try to be gentle with the things I'm about to say.
But please understand that if this is confronting to hear, I'm only saying this to help you build a better future for you and your son.

You have been doing things backwards your whole adult life.
Instead of being selective and choosing a decent partner, you've gone for the worst possible man, someone who manipulates you and abuses you, and hoped he'd magically evolve into a decent human being. Do you understand how ridiculous that is? It's basically like buying a cat and hoping it will turn into a dog if you're patient enough.

He keeps showing you who he is, time and time again, and you keep ignoring that and hoping he'll finally see the light.

• He is not interested in being a loving partner to you
• He is not interested in being a father to your son
• He is not interested in becoming a better person for you

He just doesn't want any of these things. And you begging him and giving him one opportunity after another to change, clearly isn't doing much, is it?

Youre a mother now, and that means that you're not just victimising yourself buy exposing yourself to this harmful man. You're also exposing your son to his despicable influence. It's time for you to step up and start thinking like a mother, and not like a little child who wasn't loved enough and keeps on begging for love in all the wrong places.
Counseling seems like a good start, but you're going to have to start working on the energy you send out into the world.
It's not: I will love you until you're nice to me. It's: I will only love you as long as you're nice to me. My love is valuable and I will not waste it on someone who is not worthy.

Forget broken homes . A broken home is better than a toxic home /situation .

Make a new email address and transfer any info over and get rid of the old one .
get a new number. .

This bullying manipulating and gaslighting needs to end .
You need him and his mother and everyone else out your life .
Forget imagining a life that’s isn’t going to happen OP. You need to start living this one and making the most for your son.

This man has no interest. He just keeps you hanging incase he ever feels he needs to pick you up again .
He can send you a lawyers letter if he needs to get on touch with you about the child .
in the mean time make a cms claim for your son he’s entitled to that’s .
Seek out professional help but forget any fork his side . I wouldn’t want them near my child anyway. He will only hurt him too

Hi Kirsty, you're right, he's Narcissistic and there's no cure! I know how much you're hurting right now but you're having a lucky escape believe me. You've been attacked by a Narc and for a normal human being it's hard to get your head around and I would suggest for your sake you study Narcissism if only just to understand in some way his treatment of you. All the red flags are there, don't cling onto him because you came from a broken home, your son deserves better than this, one genuine loving parent is better than the one genuine loving parent battling just to exist with an emotionally empty Narc. As a by the way, Narcs are totally bereft of emotion hence the abuse, it's an emotion, he will never ever love anyone except himself, don't expose your son to this. Concentrate on healing yourself, you've been through the mill, counselling is a start but also meditation will help calm your over stretched emotions and feelings also, get yourself a Rose Quartz Angel that has Reiki symbols put into it, and when you're overwhelmed just hold her, Rose Quartz heals broken hearts, keep her by your bed and above all else love starts within, look after yourself. You will get through this and when you do, learn from it and watch out for red flags in the future. Take care X