Husband appears to be so unhappy it’s so draining.

[Toastysun]

I have been with DH for 10 years and we have a 7yr DD together and an older child each from previous relationships. His older child live with his ex and stays regularly. My older child live with us and has a disability. We both work full time but I do majority of the house work and general running of the home, organising the kids, taking them to school, sorting child care etc. I feel I could cope with all of this if his mood was better, he struggles to cope with daily life and everything seems to irritate him.

He will complain about not spending enough time together or never having a break from the children, he will criticise my family for not helping (they do a lot of child care and will if I ask) he blames everyone else for him being unhappy. If there is a family bbq or meal he may just not turn up and I will have to make excuses for him, I find it so hard to deal
with and just unfair. I have stopped going out to see friends or avoid inviting people over as he makes it awkward and sometimes just goes upstairs. He will say I’m not interested in him and will often sulk and go to bed when he gets home from work. If I confront him on anything it will end in a row.
I just don’t feel happy in life and I feel worn down by it all. I don’t feel like I am strong enough to end it.

My youngest regularly asks if Daddy is in a mood, and I have noticed her taking steps to avoid upsetting him. I feel like we are living on egg shells.

we have had a very unstable relationship and have been in the cycle of good and bad patches.

I want a happy life and I’m an outgoing person I just feel life is exhausting with my husband and his mood sucks the life out of everything.

I probably should add he has ADD and that adds to things and I understand that will impact but where do I draw the line? Am I supposed to put his needs before mine and the children’s happiness?

You can draw the line wherever you want. I would be drawing it where you are now if I were you.

My husband was exactly like that. My whole life was governed by what mood he was in. I was forever saying to our son, dads in a mood, don't make dad cross etc etc. it's so wearing.

I left in the end, I just couldn't stand it. He won't get better OP, in fact he will probably just get more and more miserable. You need to have a serious think about whether you want this to be your life.

You have one shot a life. Show your DD how best to live it.

Am I supposed to put his needs before mine and the children’s happiness?

No you aren't. Even if he's depressed that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your own life for him.

I think now that you have noticed your dd trying not to upset him, that would be a line for me.

Life is far too short to put up with this. If he’s miserable now imagine what he’ll be like when he’s much older. Get out OP, go live a full and happy life away from his grumpiness

I don’t feel like I am strong enough to end it.

My youngest regularly asks if Daddy is in a mood, and I have noticed her taking steps to avoid upsetting him. I feel like we are living on egg shells.

Keep reminding yourself the bit about living on egg shells and how your daughter is being affected, and find the strength to end it.

Don't waste any more time with such a miserable grumpy man

Please stop subjecting your daughter to such a miserable home environment only because you don't want to face dealing with your husband. He is ruining her childhood and it's only going to get worse.

Your child living on eggshells is all you need to think about, this is no way to spend your childhood!

You and your children will be happier without this fun sponge! If it’s genuine depression then he needs to get help not just make everyone else’s life miserable!

My youngest regularly asks if Daddy is in a mood, and I have noticed her taking steps to avoid upsetting him. I feel like we are living on egg shells.
When you're wondering what to do and if things are bad enough to leave, they are, remember this. I've been where you are, though I'm the one with ADD. I was taking something down off the wall in my 5 year old DS room earlier this year and some of the old flakey paint came off and DS said, "don't worry mummy we can cover it up, Daddy won't know," and it just broke me, I thought he at least didn't really understand what was going on.

We've seperated now and stbxh has moved out, we're in the process of divorcing, he's left me to deal with everything, DC see him 2 days a week and we're all much better for having him at a remove from our lives. It's still horrible when I have to interact with him, but it's a hell of a lot better than our lives were at the start of the year. Your DD is only going to notice and be effected by his behaviour more and more as time goes on. My DD did, she's doing a lot better mentally then she was a year ago, but I wish so much I'd gotten out when my she was younger and less effected.

Your children's wellbeing is far far more important than pandering to the unreasonable demands of a moody man.

He'a spoiling their childhood. He may well spoil their adulthood if they go on to choose a partner like him, or to be like him themselves.

Please leave him.