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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Breakup

22 replies

bonnie2055 · 27/11/2023 23:25

Hi everyone just broke up with my partner of 6 years I'm at a hotel currently and iv left his packed bags on my living room floor

I know this relationship is toxic we have broke up many times before but i keep letting him back again

I can't sleep or eat and have to keep moving and keep bursting into tears and feel so broken

I have a 6 year old and I'm unsure of how I can keep busy and stop looking at my phone and preoccupy myself as I seem to pace when under stress and can't focus on anything so I'm asking if any ideas on how to help the anxiety?

OP posts:
PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:30

Where is your six year old OP

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:32

Your six year old needs to be the priority

Original poster
bonnie2055 · 27/11/2023 23:39

My 6 year old is with me

OP posts:
PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:45

Okay love, then you have to put them first

What do you need to do now.
Ignore him, your child comes first.
If he wants to talk tomorrow fine, let him know you are okay tonight

Pinkbonbon · 27/11/2023 23:47

I'm guessing your kid is asleep or I would have said to bung on netflix and watch a kids film with them.

Hmm... can you download a mobile game?
I've been playing rival stars horse racing lately and its fun.

Good on you for leaving him.
Is it a joint owned/rented house?

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:47

And then say , fine we talk

Your child shouldn't be in a hotel room though.

Pinkbonbon · 27/11/2023 23:50

Ps: you could also block his number so he can't disturb you further.

Do you intend for him to leave the house? Have you told him to?

flowerchild2000 · 27/11/2023 23:50

Are you working? Staying busy is the only thing that takes my mind off something like this. I went through something similar and I was also in the middle of a job search. So I threw myself into the search and landed a job that keeps me really busy (plus the kids as well). If you aren't working, or have extra time, ask yourself what you used to enjoy doing before you met him. Or what would you like to start doing? Go on a walk and take photos along the way. Start journaling, like anything that gets your hands busy. Listen to music too. It will get easier every day.

flowerchild2000 · 27/11/2023 23:51

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:47

And then say , fine we talk

Your child shouldn't be in a hotel room though.

Oh please. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a hotel room. What a snobby thing to say.

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:52

Op put your child first x
Men come and go.
You only get to parent your child

flowerchild2000 · 27/11/2023 23:54

Also to all the "kids come first" commenters, that's really shortsighted and a shitty thing to say. Children don't do well when their parent isn't doing well. She's literally asking for help on how to cope better. I'm guessing none of you have ever felt anxiety this bad before. She has to put her health first to take care of her child properly.

Original poster
bonnie2055 · 27/11/2023 23:55

Thank you for getting back to me yes the wee one is asleep in bed beside me
And I know they come first and I don't know why I keep letting him back in when I'm miserable with the relationship everytime I keep trying to think about the negatives to keep my mind above water my mind keeps putting it on the good times

And then I can't settle I honestly think there maybe is some co dependant issues

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 27/11/2023 23:56

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:52

Op put your child first x
Men come and go.
You only get to parent your child

She told you her relationship is toxic.
A hotel room is a much better place for her kid than a toxic environment.

PeacefulPottering · 27/11/2023 23:57

The anxiety goes when you realise they are twats, rubbish , they don't deserve us!

Original poster
bonnie2055 · 27/11/2023 23:57

House is rental in my name and I work as a cleaner so it's quite busy but am only able to work school hours x

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 27/11/2023 23:58

Probably an element of trauma bonding.
When you look for the cause of your hurt and stress to resolve that same hurt and stress. Because you've been conditioned that way as for so long your mood has depended on HIS mood.

Pinkbonbon · 28/11/2023 00:00

bonnie2055 · 27/11/2023 23:57

House is rental in my name and I work as a cleaner so it's quite busy but am only able to work school hours x

That's good:) have you clearly told him he needs to leqve? Can you have a friend or relative check he is gone before you return?

Gcsunnyside23 · 28/11/2023 00:00

Good for you leaving a toxic situation, to everyone saying your child comes first well this shows it but it shows you want to put yourself first too. Make a list right now of why you left him and a list of the good things in your life then every time you feel upset and anxious read the lists. One will reinforce why you left and why it needs to stay that way and the other will show you why you'll be ok without him. Hope you're ok

PeacefulPottering · 28/11/2023 00:06

I'm sick of those people who told you it's funking fine!
Yes I will tell you its fine to walk away from abusers. What the actual fuck!!@

PeacefulPottering · 28/11/2023 00:08

Op it's actually fine to walk away from your abuser, it's fucking fine.

PeacefulPottering · 28/11/2023 00:18

You are fine OP,.
You know you are what we call circus.

PeacefulPottering · 28/11/2023 00:20

Love the drama, post the drama, leave the drama. X

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