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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive exh and ds

7 replies

sugarpops · 27/11/2023 21:07

Am I within my rights to stop contact for ds (5)?

This is just some of what's been going on. I'm aware most of it is aimed towards me however exh is just interested in keeping his control over me and not ds.

• police involvement. No charges made. Emotional abuse and coercive control towards me
• he has not seen ds since the incident where the police were 5 weeks ago.
• he has has only seen ds a handful of times since September. Has no interest in setting up regular contact.
• he has asked to see ds twice since police involvement. Both times I have said he can see ds through a 3rd party (a family member of mine. He can collect and drop off ds with this family member. Ex H said no and refused. Said he doesn't ever want to see this family member of mine again and contact should be done through myself and him. I said no.
• doesn't ever ask how ds is.
• has threatened to take me to court over money I apparently owe him - I don't own him a penny. It's just threats.
• is convinced I have a secret boyfriend. I don't but I'm worried of what he will ask ds if he sees him. 'Has mummy had any men in the house' etc...
• refusing to come and collect his things from my home unless I am present too.

He basically isn't interested in ds. He only wants to see ds to get at me.

Is this enough to stop contact?

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 27/11/2023 21:09

You are not stopping contact. You are offering contact in a way that also keeps you safe. If he chooses not to have contact because he can’t abuse you as a result then that is his choice.

cestlavielife · 27/11/2023 21:10

You offered him contact via third oarty.
That is all you need to do.
Keep evidence
Dont engage.
Pack his stuff leave it with third party.

solice84 · 27/11/2023 21:12

Let him take you to court
Get rid of all his stuff
Can someone else take it to a relative of his or something ?

sugarpops · 27/11/2023 21:12

Sorry I should have added,

If he asks to see ds again, would it be reasonable for me to say no and he can take me to court for access seen as he has already refused? I also have it in writing that he does want to see ds at the present time.

So sorry if I'm not making sense. I've been talking to professionals all day today - police, social services and my local domestic abuse charity.

I'm absolutely drained from it all!

OP posts:
sugarpops · 27/11/2023 21:15

In regards to his stuff, all he has left here is a 65'' tv which he is sat in my cupboard.

He was supposed to collect it on Saturday but it didn't go well and it's still here. I can arrange someone to tale it to him possibly.

The third party is my mum. He has no family that I trust that would actually stick to the deal of it being about ds only.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 28/11/2023 15:18

Just keep saying
I am happy to make ds available to see you on xxdsy at xx pm at xxx house. Xx will supervise this contact due to past concerns.

No need for you to mention court

Hbosh · 28/11/2023 16:24

Saying no completely when he asks for contact will make you look like the bad guy. Don't say no, do exactly what @cestlavielife suggested.
He wants to see his son? He can, just not through you.
Only if he behaves in a way around your son which is damaging to him, can you go to court to ask that there be no more contact.

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