Really struggling in my new relationship. He is amazing and so understanding, not an ounce of pressure at all, very much we do what I'm comfortable with etc but I'm struggling so much with it and the guilt and just general bad feelings. I'm 30 and this is my first relationship due to some health issues I had most my life. I am so into him and everything is amazing and what I want in my head is very different to what I then can manage due to my confidence and I'm not sure how to get over it. He touched part of me and I had to move his hand, he kissed me and I basically didn't even kiss back! I had flat lips it was so embarrassing... he was so understanding and just kissed me on the cheek and asked if that was fine. I know it sounds cringy and embarrassing but this is why I don't know what to do. I wouldn't mind if deep down this is what I wanted but it's not, I want to do more and feel more comfortable but he isn't the issue at all, I'm so lucky to have him but not sure how to make it better 
and now it's obvious how bad I've been, if I just go for it to try, it's going to feel extra embarrassing for me if I do bad. Having my first relationship at this age is awful