Hello ladies I'm just going to put it all out here because I don't know what else to do. My partner and I have been in our relationship for 2 years. In the 2 years we've been together I have let him live with me twice while he was unemployed. When we first started this relationship I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and taking trips (sometimes I paid more) but it wasn't an issue for me.
I guess I just kind of assumed he would get the hints and I've directly asked him for romance, flowers date night etc. in the 2 years I've only received flowers twice and one time they were I'm sorry flowers because we got into an argument. Speaking of the flowers a while ago I went through this email and found nude pictures and confirmation for flowers he sent his ex before me. And this woman has received more flowers from him than I have in the 2 years we've been together. I would be lying I I said that didn't hurt.
The first argument we had I expressed to him I don't like to be talked to a certain way. It's not how I grew up it makes me uncomfortable. Here we are 2 years later and nothing has changed. I accepted him for how he was. He has a past record so it's hard for him to find a good job. That's no big thing to me because I work. But he came in being very opinionated. I've changed the way I dress he asked me not to talk too much around his parents.
I didn't dress in a disrespectful way and I love to talk so when around his family I want to be myself. For the past couple months I haven't been happy and I have told him this. We don't do anything's besides stay at my home watch tv and have intercourse. It upsets me because I feel like I'm asking for the bare minimum.
At one point I baked whatever it was he wanted to do. And when I say that it was getting us no where I voiced being uncomfortable and that didn't go well. He feels as though I don't know how to speak to a man and I'm not letting him lead but way too much has been done for me to just let you do those things.
The first heated argument we had he disrespected me and all I said back was"you don't have a job. If you think you're going to talk to me like that do not ask me to keep buying you cigarettes ". To him that was the worst things I could've said even though it was the truth. He called him mom and I will get flack for this but I fought for my relationship that day. I cried I begged I did it all. Even after he told me he should've left me where he found me I don't deserve him etc. I still fought.
Since that day I have not been vulnerable around him. To him it was me showing emotion but I was very weak. We have had arguments since then. About me having to ask him to help around the house when he's here, there not being any romance, me not letting him lead. Now because of how I grew up I separate myself from a situation before it gets headed. He wants to sit and talk after disrespecting me.
He took my phone one day because he called me a bitch and I was going to leave my home because I could not be around him. 2 days later he called me a bitch again. Because things were said in a conversation and I tried to walk away instead of talking to him.
This day he unplugged the tv forcing me to talk to him he had already been way to disrespectful so I kept saying I can't talk to you right now. He unplugged the tv again. On the way to plug my tv back in I shoulder bumped him. He called his mother and said I put my hands on him.
As I'm explaining to her what really happened . She gets upset because I said he called me a bitch in my house . When I stating the facts. In the 2 years we've been together he has never helped or tried to help with a bill.
I have really drawn this out... but I'm currently in therapy trying to work through my issues. I feel like I can't open up and be vulnerable with him bc when I did you still left. But anytime I bring up the past it's a problem. Anytime I bring up him calling me a bitch I'm asked are you gonna get over that. Yes I called you out your name but look at how you act.
There is good reason to justify calling me out of name. But every time I bring it up he ask if I'm going to let him make it up to me. As I've told him that takes time. I wanna move toward and be able to open up with him again but I feel like it will bite me in the ass again. I'm not feminine around him anymore he doesn't understand how the things he said and do or don't do makes me feel.
But I have to keep asking for these things and I don't get why. You remember everything else I'm not asking for too much. I have explained this all to him why I won't let him lead, why I don't like to be talked to a certain way. Now my way of doing things may not be everyone's cup of tea. But I will rather walk away from a situation and come back level headed than to sit and keep saying things I will have to apologize for later.
And because I do that I can't have an adult conversation with him. But how do you expect me to want to talk to you after being disrespected. My therapists has asked me if it would be ok if he came but he doesn't believe in therapy. So I don't things he will take any of the information in.