Catfish?

[Cherrypiepieces]

Am I being catfished?!

Being chatting to a guy for a couple of weeks now that I've met on hinge, his profile was verified, all of his photos seem legit and he has sent me more which match his profile.
He is funny, very attractive etc etc. So he has hooked me right in, however, he does currently work overseas, something to do with the environment, he's explained to me what he's working on in quite specific detail and it does seem to stack up and he's saying that we can meet when he's back in the UK, he lives here for the majority of the time.
There's just a couple of things that I've noticed about him that seems slightly suspect unless I am reading too much into it, his WhatsApp profile picture is a stock image from the internet of this place he is saying he's currently working in abroad. I've also tried googling him and his name about the work he does as it is quite specific, but I literally cannot find anything about him online at all, I don't know his surname but I have tried to search with the information he has given me and nothing.
He will always message me when he says he will and seems to be telling the truth on stuff. But occasionally he will say oh I have to go now, I'm going to the gym and then I won't hear anything for a day.
I'm not psycho or stalker but I honestly just do not want to waste my time on anyone that might be a catfish as I'd rather just be speaking to guys that are the real deal so just trying to protect myself I guess.

In general, if your spidey senses are tingling then there is usually a good reason why and you should trust your instinct that he is not all that he says he is.

Without knowing his surname it is very difficult for you to try and search for him on the internet so you need to try and get this somehow. Have you already tried a google image search to see if the pictures he has sent you pop up anywhere else? You could also bite the bullet and video call him without notice and see what he does.

However, any whiff that he is not who he says he is then stop all contact immediately. There are plenty non-catfish in the sea.

...and whatever you do, DO NOT send a single penny no matter how much his dying grandma/one-legged donkey/blind goldfish might need it.

I'd be reserving judgement til I met him tbh.

Keep a sensible distance with what you tell him and don't let him know too much about you.

And do not give him a penny (at any point)

Just say 'I've enjoyed chatting with you but obviously I'm looking to date and don't need a pen pal so...maybe drop me a message when you're back in the UK?'.

If he tries to guilt you into keeping chatting, he's not a good'un. Catfish or not. A decent guy wpuld say 'Yeah sounds good, I'll be back in a few weeks and will message you then'. And leave you alone till then.

Never spend more than a week or two tops talking to someone without meeting them. It's getting attached to someone you might not even fancy or, that may not even want to meet but actually just to chat.

Tell them you don't much like being tied to the phone/computer all day and set a date for a coffee. Don't be fannied about.

Also I think the YouTube people 'social catfish' said they have a site where you can do things like search for specific phrases in the text ppl send you for standard catfish lines and other stuff. So maybe they're worth hecking out.

Have you called or facetimed at all? So you know he's at least an actual guy?

Without his surname, wouldn't it be very unlikely you'd find him on Google? Unless he has a very distinctive first name.

Agree with PP, why not suggest a video call if he's away? Or a meet up if he's in the UK?

Yeah so far it's mainly just been lots of whatsapping with quite a bit of sexting if I'm honest but he did go into quite a lot of detail about why him and his ex aren't together, due to her post natal depression and their struggles during lockdown, I did think it was a bit TMI but also I thought it was quite refreshing he was being honest 😬
I don't know he's been quite consistent in chatting and sent me various selfies where you can see he's clearly in a hotel room abroad but then hasn't asked about a call or anything, so he could be totally fictitious. I haven't told him much private detail about myself at all as I'm am always a bit guarded. He also mentioned the other day oh might pop over to America on the route home, I mean it's red flags isn't it, I think I need to sack this one off.
Like last night we were texting and he said, oh I need to go now or I'll miss the gym, then I haven't heard anything since, which isn't really a big deal, I think my concern came when I noticed the stock picture on his WhatsApp.
He hasn't even asked what I do for work or anything like that, and although he is quite overtly sexual in his messages, he manages to be just the right side of not being inappropriate or creepy or rude. OLD is a minefield, I think you're right I need to stick to guys that are based more locally to me as this is hard work.

Have you searched his image on
Socialcatfish.com ? They're a company that particularly help to out the scammers etc.

Thank you, I just searched via his latest selfie and it came back with no matches so slightly reassuring I guess, I'll keep you all updated!!

Such good advice, thank you 🙏

I presume you know the town/location he is working in? I'd look up the history of the place find out the best tourist attraction do a bit of sleuthing and find a good cafe/restaurant nearby. Then, I'd ask if he's been to the well known local landmark, explain you mentioned you'd been chatting to someone who'd gone to (location) for work with a workmate, and she raved about the place, and did he take any photos of (landmark) to show you? And has he been to (cafe nearby) which apparently us v good food, if it is still there?
If he has his own photos as opposed to stock photos grabbed off Google it shows he could really be there.

Omg you're good!! I thought I was a good detective! This all sounds like a great idea but you know I don't know how invested I am in going into that much detail, I've decided to give him until the end of today to message then all contact stopped as like you say, gut is telling me something isn't right and life is too short quite frankly. Part of coming out of a bad separation has taught me to value my self worth and I don't need to be fannying around with any guys that seem suspect. I deserve more than that.

To be honest he sounds like a giant walking red flag.

If it feel like TMI. It's because it us tmi.

It's not a good thing that they are 'honest' if they are oversharing. It's common behaviour from love bombers that a. Gets you to think 'oh at least they are honest. Increasing your trust. B. Creates a bond by making you feel like you must be an important, trusted person for them to share this with you. And C. Potentially gets YOU to overshare in return.

So catfish or not, he's a boundary pusher. The sexyal comments too...airing just on the line...testing your boundaries.

There no reason anyone should be going into details about their ex and their relationship with a total stranger online. Telling you about her past natal depression too (if that's even true). What a dick move. How would you like your ex telling new people he met all about your private issues?

He's creepy op. Run.

He's still with his ex isn't he? Bin him off

I know, when you read it there in black and white like that, yeah you're totally right, also I don't mind a bit of sexting but he is quite persistent with it and like others have said, I could meet him and not even fancy him, I've not dated anyone for 15 years so I'm still finding my feet but I will learn from this experience.
I agree he did overshare about the honesty re his ex, that isn't cool at all.
I guess in my naivety I think, what is he looking to gain from this communication? I mean if a guys attractive he can shag anyone? What's the point?
As it stands I've not messaged him since his last contact so at least I've not been desperately trying to reach him and quiz him. He can jog on to be honest.

Would you actually want to date a man who ended their relationship over post natal depression?! I'd seriously be questioning his lack of caring nature!

Definitely red flags there. He's playing an 'honest' person by oversharing, going into minute details about his life ( often a sign of a lie!) Trying to draw you in by making you feel sorry for him etc etc But also why is he is on a dating site if he is in a completely different country?
Massive warning bells 🤔

I agree with what some of the others have said also, don't believe a thing until you have either face timed or met in person.

Personally I'd block straight away, move on and put it down to a weird experience.

I know I know, all totally valid points, I feel silly for getting so sucked in now, I'm clearly still a bit emotionally vulnerable, I have to admit when he mentioned quite early on in our chat that he's working abroad that I did think 'oh shit'. Anyway, onwards and upwards and hope for better luck for the next match 🙏

I'm sure it's easily done, especially as he came across believable.
I'm glad you've come to this conclusion and can move on.
Wising you all the best x

So quick update for those that are interested! I have managed to track him down on the internet with some detective skills, turns out he is who he says he is and does do what he says he does and who he works for etc, so I will proceed with caution but at least I know his identity is real!

Great! Also can also video chat with him for like 10 minutes

Yep I will, thank you so much for everyone's advice, I really appreciate it, you have all made me feel so much better. I mean he could still be an absolute arsehole but at least I know he probably isn't catfishing me 😬

So his name and work check out, but that deprive he is that person. He could be using their identity.
You need a video call, that's the only way to know for sure he is the same person as the one he says he is. And no dark rooms in shadow, or big hats!!

*doesn't mean...

This happened to a friend of mine recently - be cautious.