If you knew someone was going out with a cheat would you tell them?

Lovemusic82 · 2023-11-27T14:24:07+00:00

I know most people would probably say stay out of it and I probably will but… I went out with male friend last weekend, someone I have in the last had relations with. I met up with him just as friends but he soon started flirting and hinting that he wanted to sleep with me, lots of childish innuendo etc.. Just found out he’s in a relationship with someone and she’s really into him, posting over Facebook how much she loves him etc (been together a few months). I feel bad for her because he obviously doesn’t give a toss about her or he wouldn’t be trying to get other people into bed with him. I have met so many cheating men and get absolutely fed up with the way women are treated, I think I would want to know if someone I was supposedly in a new relationship with was out trying to sleep with other women? But I know the sensible thing to do is just forget about it? Just to add, I am not jealous at all, just angry for the poor girl who thinks she’s his world 😬 So would you or wouldn’t you?

NewsOverload · 27/11/2023 14:26

Yes I would say something but in my experience she won't believe you. He will pretend you've got it wrong and you will end up looking the bad guy. Cheating men are very good at lying.

LucyvanderPelt · 27/11/2023 14:29

If it was me I would want to know.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/11/2023 14:29

In this case I wouldn’t. He didn’t even cheat!! Keep your nose out. He’s your friend and she’s a stranger to you. If it was just innuendos then what are you going to say to her ‘Oh Hi, I went out with Mark last weekend and he made loads of sexual innuendos to me. He didn’t shag me but I know he wanted to. Oh and yeah we have had sex before.’

It makes you look like a nutcase. If he creeped you out with his overtly sexual comments, just avoid him and don’t meet up again.

Original poster

Lovemusic82 · 27/11/2023 14:35

Moveoverdarlin · 27/11/2023 14:29

In this case I wouldn’t. He didn’t even cheat!! Keep your nose out. He’s your friend and she’s a stranger to you. If it was just innuendos then what are you going to say to her ‘Oh Hi, I went out with Mark last weekend and he made loads of sexual innuendos to me. He didn’t shag me but I know he wanted to. Oh and yeah we have had sex before.’

It makes you look like a nutcase. If he creeped you out with his overtly sexual comments, just avoid him and don’t meet up again.

It wasn’t quite like that but I get what you mean.

I do have proof, I have messages from him asking me for sex too. He took a photo of me when I bent over (we were out walking) and he then messaged it to me telling me how amazing my ass is 🙄. Yes he was a friend but I don’t think he is anymore, I don’t tend to be friends with people who treat women like crap.

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IfAIwasfedMN · 27/11/2023 14:41

I found out recently my cheating ex is cheating on his new partner - she is also posting all over socials saying he's the best boyfriend. He's also still "liking" a whole load of women all over insta and never ever likes new gfs pictures or posts. Some men will just never learn. It's up to her to see it and ask questions - some women don't want to know and don't seem to be worried everyone else does or how that makes them look.

Personally, if you had slept with him and then realised he has a gf I would have told her because he's lied and got you to be complicit in hurting her. At this point though, I think you just need to decide he isn't a friend if every time you see him he tries to sleep with you. It's obviously put you off his personality.

Original poster

Lovemusic82 · 27/11/2023 14:51

IfAIwasfedMN · 27/11/2023 14:41

I found out recently my cheating ex is cheating on his new partner - she is also posting all over socials saying he's the best boyfriend. He's also still "liking" a whole load of women all over insta and never ever likes new gfs pictures or posts. Some men will just never learn. It's up to her to see it and ask questions - some women don't want to know and don't seem to be worried everyone else does or how that makes them look.

Personally, if you had slept with him and then realised he has a gf I would have told her because he's lied and got you to be complicit in hurting her. At this point though, I think you just need to decide he isn't a friend if every time you see him he tries to sleep with you. It's obviously put you off his personality.

He’s just like this, there’s no evidence on his social media that he’s in a relationship other than her liking his photos and commenting, I just happened to click on her name and her profile was full of posts saying how lovely he is and how much she enjoys spending time with him, also her profile says she’s in a relationship and his does not. I guess she’s being a bit blind, I would wonder why he didn’t want anyone to know about me.

He started flirting a few days before we went out, he did ask if I wanted to have sex with him and I just laughed and said ‘no’. I shouldn’t have really gone out with him but I had a day with nothing to do. I know we didn’t have sex but he would have if I had said yes to it 😬, I wonder how many other women he has tried it on with?

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IfAIwasfedMN · 27/11/2023 14:55

There will be plenty of other women. If you want to be brave you could always screen shot the picture he sent and post it to his wall saying "not the most flattering photo of the night, you need a girlfriend mate!" or something. If other women like his posts that he is doing similar to it could make for an entertaining evening with popcorn

Original poster

Lovemusic82 · 27/11/2023 14:59

I already messaged him earlier asking if his girlfriend knew he was out with me last weekend taking photos of my ass and offering me sex. His reply was ‘lol, you haven’t told her have you?’, so I may have replied with ‘yes I have’ 😬. He’s now trying to call me but I am letting him stew.

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IfAIwasfedMN · 27/11/2023 15:11

Sounds grim. Maybe it will force him to admit to her what he does, although I doubt it. These men never admit fault so it will end up being yours as a "crazy ex". If she is wise she will have heard this before. She may still not care even then! I worry more often than I'd care to admit about my exe's new partner, but realistically I know what he told me about his exes, so she will be just as naive as I was, I'm sure. The constant in these situations is always the men who do the same thing to hurt women they pick out specifically because they are trusting. Then men complain about jealousy in women, you couldn't make it up.

Original poster

Lovemusic82 · 27/11/2023 15:18

Exactly, I know from experience that men are great at creating a story making them look like the good one. I’m sure she will see him for who he really is, I just hope it’s soon and it doesn’t hurt too much.

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IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 27/11/2023 17:43

Christ! Your 'friend' sounds repulsive and sleazy - someone to whom I, personally, would give a wide berth and not bother giving oxygen to in future. Yuk!

CabinetKnob · 27/11/2023 19:29

Lovemusic82 · 27/11/2023 14:59

I already messaged him earlier asking if his girlfriend knew he was out with me last weekend taking photos of my ass and offering me sex. His reply was ‘lol, you haven’t told her have you?’, so I may have replied with ‘yes I have’ 😬. He’s now trying to call me but I am letting him stew.

I think this was a genius way of dealing with it. He’ll possibly incriminate himself just trying to find out what his GF really knows. Nicely handled @Lovemusic82.

Burntouted · 27/11/2023 22:38

Cut ties with him. Stop entertaining him. Stop whatever it is that you're doing with him.

You are aware that he has a girlfriend now, don't lower yourself by continuously seeing him.. even as a "friend".

Do you want him or something??

Why wanting to contact his girlfriend telling her he's been with you, offering you sex, doing other inappropriate things while you two were "hanging" out being flirtatious and inappropriate?

Stop flirting with him. Stop "threatening" or asking if his girlfriend knows about him seeing you...playfully or otherwise to tell his girlfriend.

You don't know what his genuine reaction will be if that ever were to happen.

You are being inappropriate by continuing to communicate and perhaps see him.

I would stay out of it. She may know already what type of man he is, and tolerates it.

Just because someone is marveling, gushing, and gloating over a relationship and partner. ..doesn't mean that they are happy with their relationship and doesn't know about their partner being a slimeball.

Also, you don't know what type of person she is.

Leave him alone, and stay out of it.

It would be different if you were a stranger or close to(knew of her) and saw him with being inappropriate.. if that happened, if you had proof..
I would maybe suggest send her it anonymously ...

middleager · 28/11/2023 08:11

Burntouted · 27/11/2023 22:38

Cut ties with him. Stop entertaining him. Stop whatever it is that you're doing with him.

You are aware that he has a girlfriend now, don't lower yourself by continuously seeing him.. even as a "friend".

Do you want him or something??

Why wanting to contact his girlfriend telling her he's been with you, offering you sex, doing other inappropriate things while you two were "hanging" out being flirtatious and inappropriate?

Stop flirting with him. Stop "threatening" or asking if his girlfriend knows about him seeing you...playfully or otherwise to tell his girlfriend.

You don't know what his genuine reaction will be if that ever were to happen.

You are being inappropriate by continuing to communicate and perhaps see him.

I would stay out of it. She may know already what type of man he is, and tolerates it.

Just because someone is marveling, gushing, and gloating over a relationship and partner. ..doesn't mean that they are happy with their relationship and doesn't know about their partner being a slimeball.

Also, you don't know what type of person she is.

Leave him alone, and stay out of it.

It would be different if you were a stranger or close to(knew of her) and saw him with being inappropriate.. if that happened, if you had proof..
I would maybe suggest send her it anonymously ...

Edited

I agree with the above. You are an active participant in this if you are "hanging out" and flirting with this man and overly intetested in his life, clicking on his gf's profile etc. You say he's your ex but wondering if you still want him to be so overly invested in his life?

Original poster

Lovemusic82 · 28/11/2023 08:32

He’s not my ex 🙄 we were not in a relationship (FWB). I’m not still in contact, I sent that message asking him if his gf knew how he was behaving and yes stupidly said I had told her but then blocked him. I know the woman he is supposedly seeing but not well. If I had known he was seeing her I wouldn’t have gone out with him. I was never going to tell her, I was just asking if other would? I’m sure she will work it out for herself.

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Thewondererhasreturned · 28/11/2023 20:49

I would say something but I believe us girls have to stick together. I know women can cheat too but for me its all about honesty and faithfulness what if this girl got pregnant or ends up married to a serial cheat.