How do I be more supportive and less resentful

[Wantthefuntimesback]

I'm really struggling to be supportive to my boyfriend in his new job. I'm starting to resent the job and him and I don't want it to be this way.
He started his new job a few months ago and it's shift work, not regular patterned shifts but absolutely random start times. Some early,waking up at 3am, and some lates finishing at 1/2am and everything in between.
This is his dream job and I'm so proud of him that he is doing what he always wanted but its so hard to adjust as I work a normal 9-5 job, no weekends. I also have a side job/hobby that I do most evenings till 6 or 7pm but this us flexible and I can not do it or cancel at any time and I've always worked around this before with no issues. Although I'm now reluctant to cancel and lose out on money when it's me compromising every time.

Before he got this job he had an office job and we had so much time together, we had frequent date nights, days out, still time apart to do our own thing. We don't live together yet.

Now his new job, means we have to plan more carefully when we can go out because not only do we have to look at his shift that day but we have to look at the shift the day before (in case he will be too tired) and the shift the day after (in case he has to get up early and needs to go to bed earlier to get enough sleep).his job apparently has random drug/alcohol testing and the limit for being over is lower than drink driving so he can't drink the night before either so that limits going out for drinks/meal like we often did before.

We had the opportunity to go out Friday night, we were both free and so I said it was perfect timing. He said no because he had to be up Saturday on an early shift and wouldn't be able to drink friday night either which was part of the activity.
I would risk having 1 later night and go out and enjoy myself and just risk being a bit tired the next day because I don't let my job rule the rest of my life. I told him that 1 beer or glass of wine at 7pm wouldn't affect his shift the next morning at 5am but he wouldn't accept this/ risk it.

I'm all for working hard and taking your job seriously when on shift/at work but when it starts to restricte your life and affect your social life/relationship its not right. We're arguing more, having sex less as we're going to bed at different times or aren't staying over at each others houses as much, are tired at different times etc.
I don't know how to be more positive about this now that I know this is my life now.

Bus driver?

If his lifestyle is making you unhappy, you may need to end the relationship. Sometimes people just aren't compatible, for loads of different reasons.

Yeah that job. We get on so well otherwise and it's just sad to see that this is the only thing in our way. It would be awful to split up because of a small thing like a job and anyone I date could still do the same thing - change job etc even 5 or 10 years down the line after being together. In the long run it seems like a trivial reason to split as so many other couples and families clearly make it work.
It's just all new to me and I don't know how to handle it or change my mind set.

DP struggled with this a bit at the start of our relationship. He works a strict 9-5 job and doesn't bring work home with him whereas I was self-employed and often had to work in the evenings and at weekends at short notice.

You need as much forward planning as possible. I don't know how much advance notice he has of his hours but when he does, he should pop them in a calendar and share it with you. You may not be on the same timetable but you should know when you'll coincide.

It seems to me that this job is a massive change in his life and therefore yours. It's on the scale of a new baby or your partner upping sticks and moving to a new country!. You are still trying to force it into a semblance of life before, but that life is effectively over. I would suggest talking about this, the sheer change. He should have discussed the implications with you before he took the job, surely he knew it would make dating next to impossible?. Perhaps you need to take a break while he settles into this routine. Just keep in touch on the phone and get on with your life. I would show your support by backing off, not blaming him for wanting to put the job first and keep the lines of communication open. In a couple of weeks it will become clearer he wants you in his life and will find a way to keep you, and you want him in yours and will find a way to adapt or not.