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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

By smoking weed

21 replies

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:01

Me and my bf had an argument the other day, i stayed upstairs in the bedroom with our baby with doors shut, whilst he was downstairs drinking, then I noticed a smell and realised he was smoking weed downstairs, I confronted him about it and he said I can only smell it because I opened the door and that he has windows and doors open downstairs, I said noo I opened the door because I smelt weed and the smoke can still linger and then I am worried about secondhand smoke around our baby-he usually smokes away from baby out on walks or in garden and cleans up after, such us change of clothes brushes teeth etc. pissed off that he is smoking it in the house as he knows how I feel about it, it is his house so I feel I have no say, but out baby comes first and I don't want her around that! He didn't get into bed until 4/5 in morning, so was just over tired the next day, when he could have used that quality time on the weekend with his baby.

I confronted him again next day and he got really defensive comparing it to spraying deodorant cans and still believe all smoke goes out the window. I moved out of my current house because of my mum and bro heavy smokes so he knows how I feel.

Then again this evening he was smoking in the kitchen door shut window open, I confronted him again and he just said 'don't come round then' then when I said he is choosing smoking in the house over us coming over, he got annoyed.

He never used to smoke I when I came round he always used to smoke outside, so not sure why the sudden change it not caring, he says he is under a lot of stress but is closed and there's no excuse to act like a prick.
What would you do? What do I do?

OP posts:
Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:05

Yeah I hate that too! But if you have set those boundaries, he needs to respect that whether he likes it or not! It's not about him or you it's about the health of the baby and if that doesn't make him care enough nothing will.

Are you in a position where you can I've out? Maybe only then, hel realised your not playing!

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:08

Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:05

Yeah I hate that too! But if you have set those boundaries, he needs to respect that whether he likes it or not! It's not about him or you it's about the health of the baby and if that doesn't make him care enough nothing will.

Are you in a position where you can I've out? Maybe only then, hel realised your not playing!

We live apart anyway due to circumstances, so we see each other on the weekends, I've been up his all week, and this is the weekend he chooses to not give a crap and smoke regardless how I feel/hoe I tell him secondhand smoke is dangerous, we are meant to be moving out together but I don't want to if he is treating me this way with the smoking

OP posts:
Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:10

Ohh right! Yeah I agree, I know it might be hard but maybe skip a weekend and see how he feels without you being there just so he knows your serious about it. If that don't help then he probs won't stop!

Welshexplorer36 · 26/11/2023 21:11

So you were upstairs drinking? Alcohol? And he was downstairs smoking weed? I’m more worried about who’s being responsible for baby if something was to happen?

Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:12

He was downstairs drinking

category12 · 26/11/2023 21:12

Do you really want you and your child to live with a pothead anyway?

If he's a regular user, frankly I couldn't be arsed with it.

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2023 21:13

I couldn't respect a man who wasted money on weed.
And especially not if he smoked it in a house which contains his baby.

asvand · 26/11/2023 21:13

Don't move in with him.
So sorry it's difficult. It's not meant to be when both parents care equally for baby.

When not with him are you at your mum's?

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:13

Welshexplorer36 · 26/11/2023 21:11

So you were upstairs drinking? Alcohol? And he was downstairs smoking weed? I’m more worried about who’s being responsible for baby if something was to happen?

I was not smoking or drinking, I breast feed so I will only have one glass with a meal if I am out, I was upstairs putting out baby to bed, we can back from the pub, so he was drinking and brought more drink in shop on way back, we've skipped weekends before to have breaks, then it just goes back to square one

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/11/2023 21:14

What a waster.

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:15

category12 · 26/11/2023 21:12

Do you really want you and your child to live with a pothead anyway?

If he's a regular user, frankly I couldn't be arsed with it.

He says he does it to self medicate which I thinking bullshit, he needs some sort of help but weed won't help, no I don't want my baby around it at all, he can do it in his own time

OP posts:
Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:16

Honestly hun, I have no other advice other than you need to choose if this is someone u want to be for the rest of your life or if u just need to call it quits. Trust me its hard but if that's what u choose to do, u will be okay. Goodluck with it all xx

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:16

asvand · 26/11/2023 21:13

Don't move in with him.
So sorry it's difficult. It's not meant to be when both parents care equally for baby.

When not with him are you at your mum's?

I'm at my sisters because my mum and bro heavily smoke so I moved out

OP posts:
Minglingpringle · 26/11/2023 21:16

Weed is not a good thing to have in your life. It will be damaging his brain chemistry and his mental health.

It also seems that the weed has control of him, rather than the other way around. He said he would limit its use but it turns out he’s not able to.

In your position I would not move in with him. I would also not take the baby round to his house. What would happen after that, I don’t know, but I would stick to my guns on those things.

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:17

TheShellBeach · 26/11/2023 21:13

I couldn't respect a man who wasted money on weed.
And especially not if he smoked it in a house which contains his baby.

Exactly, if he dislikes something about what I do I try to change because I have the respect

OP posts:
asvand · 26/11/2023 21:21

@maivocsa23 that's good. I'd start making plans for my life and baby without the boyfriend. Sorry, but the baby is already here and his parenting instincts have not kicked in - his prioritising his smoking, drinking, sleeping... It will only get worse. Do not give him another second of your time.

Hope breastfeeding is going well. Best wishes.

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:23

Minglingpringle · 26/11/2023 21:16

Weed is not a good thing to have in your life. It will be damaging his brain chemistry and his mental health.

It also seems that the weed has control of him, rather than the other way around. He said he would limit its use but it turns out he’s not able to.

In your position I would not move in with him. I would also not take the baby round to his house. What would happen after that, I don’t know, but I would stick to my guns on those things.

He will have weed most days, plus however many fags on top of that! Plus whenever he fancies a drink. I've been holding off moving out with him hence er don't live together at moment

OP posts:
maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:24

asvand · 26/11/2023 21:21

@maivocsa23 that's good. I'd start making plans for my life and baby without the boyfriend. Sorry, but the baby is already here and his parenting instincts have not kicked in - his prioritising his smoking, drinking, sleeping... It will only get worse. Do not give him another second of your time.

Hope breastfeeding is going well. Best wishes.

Thank you, yes out baby is 8 months so I've been doing mostly on my own, he does small parts when he is around, but would want a smoke when he wants.

Yes it is thank you :)

OP posts:
maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:28

Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:16

Honestly hun, I have no other advice other than you need to choose if this is someone u want to be for the rest of your life or if u just need to call it quits. Trust me its hard but if that's what u choose to do, u will be okay. Goodluck with it all xx

It is so hard, because when he is not on weed or he feels he doesn't need a drink we have really good times as a family, and he is he toys and will help as much as he can, but I don't know, I just don't know, I am so confused

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 26/11/2023 21:33

maivocsa23 · 26/11/2023 21:23

He will have weed most days, plus however many fags on top of that! Plus whenever he fancies a drink. I've been holding off moving out with him hence er don't live together at moment

OMG he certainly isn't putting you or the baby first!

What a waster, OP.
I'd split up with him.
Definitely don't move in with him.

He's hardly a good role model for his child.

Dontknowanymore11 · 26/11/2023 21:33

It's a tough one hun, and u can only try which sound like you have been. Its good when it's good but bad when it's bad and I get that. You will know when you have had enough x

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