Quick advice pls - dating

[Datingadvicepls]

A guy I went on a date with last night has just messaged to say he enjoyed our time together and would be up for meeting again. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him to be honest as I gave him some subtle signs I wasn’t that interested. Also he didn’t offer to pay for the cheap drinks or to make sure I got home ok. Maybe we both weren’t feeling it and he’s up for another meeting. I liked him as a person, he touched me in some ways, he’s clearly a good person. I’m just not sure we will click. Also he’s 48 and has been single for years and says he’s only ever been in short relationships. A ref flag for me. I didn’t pick up on player vibes from him though. He says he wants to settle down.

Any thoughts? I was thinking I could say I wasn’t sure if the spark was there but we could meet as friends?

I'm not sure, if you didn't feel the vibe and he'd not messaged I'd have probably just left it. But, given he's reached out, would another date hurt? He may surprise you?

Just say sorry you're not interested, why mess about being friends?

Why meet as friends? If you’re just feeling it then just be honest with him.

"Also he didn’t offer to pay for the cheap drinks or to make sure I got home ok"

NEXT.... One for the tight-fisted bin....

I think he sounds lovely from his last message and I agree with what he has said to a certain extent.....

However, I had a lot of unsuccessful first dates that I could put into 2 categories: 1) where I just didn't feel a massive spark but enjoyed myself and liked their company, 2) dates where I immediately felt a bit of an ick, especially when they seemed keen, felt generally uncomfortable for some inexplicable reason and just wanted away (not cos they'd done anything wrong necessarily - just the way i felt in my gut).

If it's 1) I'd be tempted to hang out again and at least you're not leading him on as you've been honest

I really hate his reply.

Call me old fashioned but I expect a man to message to check I’ve got home safely and not doing so I find a real turn off.

Did you end up paying for the drinks OP?

Tbh, given his response, I'd meet him again.

But don't end up having sex with him.

And be careful you don't become each other's 'placeholder' companion until someone right comes along. I've seen friends (male and female) end up in that position - think they're hanging out as friends only to be dropped when the other person finds a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I’ll be honest I disagree with him. I think you know if there’s any sort of spark. Not love at first sight or anything like that but you know if you’re attracted to someone or not pretty much straightaway.

Depends what you want but if you see him in the friend zone and he wants more rhwn I think carry on meeting sends wrong message

Like all men, he is using words to get a step closer to getting in your knickers.

Sounds like a tight arse too.

Thanks for your replies
I agree with all of them

For men it’s different, or so I am told by guy friends
men know straight away…

I’ve left him hanging
not sure what to say

Tight arse 🚫

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. He sounds a decent enough guy to at least give him the courtesy of a thanks but no thanks reply.

Personally, I agree with his love at first sight comment (not believing it exists). I think it's lust at first sight. Love either grows from that or you scratch the itch and move on.

If there is nothing that makes you want to meet again then don't bother. Follow your gut feeling.

Don’t offer to be friends, just why would you?
Ive hardly got time for my actual friends I’ve known for years let alone random guys I went on an ok date with, life is too short for that shit.
If you’re not internet just say so and spend the energy somewhere else.

Didn't offer to buy you a drink or ask if you got home ok, is really off putting, besides you weren't feeling a connection with him, trust your first impressions, I really don't think a second date is going to be magically better just a waste of time. Whenever I've agreed to a second date when not really sure about them, I've regretted it, you just know when you can't wait to meet them again, hold out for one that makes you feel like that.

Reading his message, I’d try a second date.

He got free drinks, so of course he enjoyed himself. I'd bin the cheap skate, and I agree with your red flags.

So he didn't pay for his own drinks?

The getting home thing - I have some friends who don't like a man checking on that so if he's dated a lot he might have been unsure what to do for the best.

@Datingadvicepls - I don’t think you have to feel it right away but what strikes me is you saying that he’s clearly a good guy. You really have no idea whether or not he’s a good guy. You don’t know him. The fact that at his age he’s only had a few short relationships is not a good sign. He may have many qualities but he was stingy. That’s not a good sign. You don’t owe him your time. See him again if you want but don’t if you don’t want.