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30somethinglost · 2023-11-26T17:48:58+00:00

Just wanted opinions on husbands behaviour his weekends seem to revolve round football or any sport he can watch. If I suggest doing anything we have to be back by a certain time for a match etc. so I end doing things alone or seeing friends then he moans I am not in. If I ask him to do something like make a drink etc it’s always “when’s there’s a break” I just feel so resentful that his and now my life is controlled by tv. I have tried raising this and he says he works and that how he relaxes. Just feels like a waste of time to just sit watching tv for hours on end. Just wanted some opinions if I was being grumpy or this would annoy others

Gowlett · 26/11/2023 17:55

Big match. Fine. Every match? No!

Original poster

30somethinglost · 26/11/2023 18:02

Exactly if it was his team i would get it, but it’s not. Most Saturdays it’s from 12-6/7 I just feel like I am here to cook and clean and the tv is basically the most important thing

OP posts:

ScottChegg · 26/11/2023 18:26

So he's doing what he wants. But doesn't want you to do what you want! I'd say go and do your own thing and call him out on his hypocrisy if he complains.

I reckon though, that at some point, maybe after a long time of never doing anything together you'll start to wonder if you still want things to be this way in another 5 or 10 years and question what the point of being married to him is, unless there are some other huge upsides.

junbean · 26/11/2023 18:30

That's why I wouldn't go into a relationship with someone into watching sports, or really into gaming, or anything hong I'm not devoted to. It's just not my lifestyle. That's part of choosing someone. If you knew he liked watching sports when you met him, it's unreasonable to be annoyed now. If he suddenly changed to become this way I could see it. YABU

baileys6904 · 26/11/2023 18:33

Did he do this before you got married? Did u say anything then?

My OH is a big football fan, whereas I didnt care about it. I knew he was a fan when we got together, and I actually quite like the time I have to myself

Aquamarine1029 · 26/11/2023 18:34

I would not stay in a marriage like this. I see absolutely no point to it. If my own husband isn't interested in me as a person, or invested enough to want to spend time with me, he knows where the door is.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 26/11/2023 18:41

Surely you knew this before you got into the relationship though? Or has he changed?

WmFnKdSg1234 · 26/11/2023 18:53

I always think that this kind of obsessional sport watching is almost like an addiction. Also a way to duck out of providing their partner with attention, and sharing the work of bringing up children and running a home.

He's a grown up - he can surely watch sports on catch up. Then he could and should be actually present for family life and responsibilities he needs to shoulder as a husband and parent.

Otherwise you'll get very resentful and extremely lonely if things continue.

Jewelspun · 26/11/2023 20:07

Why did you marry him?

JasonJuly · 26/11/2023 22:29

30somethinglost · 26/11/2023 18:02

Exactly if it was his team i would get it, but it’s not. Most Saturdays it’s from 12-6/7 I just feel like I am here to cook and clean and the tv is basically the most important thing

Think a lot of women are in this same position but that doesn’t make it any better. Family is more important than anything and definitely more than a stupid game of football. Could accept every once in a while for a final maybe but not every weekend, you need to walk in and turn the tv off and tell him we’re all going out and we’re not on any schedule, we get back whenever we get back and it’s tough.

The tv will still be there, memories as a family can’t be made if you don’t get to go out and make them in the first place.

getfreddynow · 26/11/2023 23:03

You need to answer all the questions about whether this is new behaviour or a well established pattern you k re about before marriage

shininglight16 · 26/11/2023 23:07

Sounds a bit like my husband, loves watching TV and could do it all day if he had no work. He does help at home and shares equal responsibility with the DD and in cooking/cleaning so I can't complain about that. I do wish though that he spent his time doing something much more productive. He's always struggled in his career, why not upskill and aim for something better? Why not start a hobby, do interesting things together etc?

I wish I could help but I'm stuck in the same rut. Sorry OP.

Original poster

30somethinglost · 27/11/2023 04:49

i knew how important football was too him and he has always enjoyed watching it but not to the extent he is and it was never as many sports. But reading your replies has made me realise that essentially I knew these traits before we got married so I shouldn’t be surprised.

I think a lot of it comes down to different opinions I enjoy watching tv and the end of the day for an couple of hours or so but could never spent the amount of time he does watching, I see it as such a waste of time and so unproductive but he enjoys it and i get it’s how he relaxes I just wish he didn’t control him so much.

OP posts:

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/11/2023 04:57

I hear you , I use to enjoy watching sport on tv now can’t stand it as it is ALWAYS ON!! Like you I knew he was a fan of watching sport but there is a difference between watching sport and NEEDING to watch sport and it drives me nuts!! It’s actually creating a lot of resentment as I don’t want to live me life around sport or talk about it every chance I get… I hate that there has been a few times he hasn’t helped with the baby as “it’s an important game” I’ve told him he is only allowed that as a get out of helping card I’d it is his favourite team in ONE SPORT not every game !!! As I don’t care …. My blood is boiling just writing this so I get your annoyance

Personally I’m getting my ducks in a row as I’m tired of being the only adult who does stuff around the house

Original poster

30somethinglost · 27/11/2023 04:57

JasonJuly · 26/11/2023 22:29

Think a lot of women are in this same position but that doesn’t make it any better. Family is more important than anything and definitely more than a stupid game of football. Could accept every once in a while for a final maybe but not every weekend, you need to walk in and turn the tv off and tell him we’re all going out and we’re not on any schedule, we get back whenever we get back and it’s tough.

The tv will still be there, memories as a family can’t be made if you don’t get to go out and make them in the first place.

Show quote history

This is exactly it, I don’t want to get to a later stage in our lives and look back and think we spent most of it not doing things because of the tv. It something that really worries me.

I have mentioned this to him but he just sighs and if does come out a miss the football he is checking his watch or watching it as I drive on his phone 🙄

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Penguinfeetteal · 27/11/2023 04:58

Have you got kids? And how old are you? Honestly he probably won't change so id seriously consider whether you want to have kids with him and be doing all the cooking, cleaning and parenting when there is sports on...

Original poster

30somethinglost · 27/11/2023 06:12

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/11/2023 04:57

I hear you , I use to enjoy watching sport on tv now can’t stand it as it is ALWAYS ON!! Like you I knew he was a fan of watching sport but there is a difference between watching sport and NEEDING to watch sport and it drives me nuts!! It’s actually creating a lot of resentment as I don’t want to live me life around sport or talk about it every chance I get… I hate that there has been a few times he hasn’t helped with the baby as “it’s an important game” I’ve told him he is only allowed that as a get out of helping card I’d it is his favourite team in ONE SPORT not every game !!! As I don’t care …. My blood is boiling just writing this so I get your annoyance

Personally I’m getting my ducks in a row as I’m tired of being the only adult who does stuff around the house

This is what’s worried/upset me, I have started to think what would be different if we weren’t together… I love him and he does make me happy in many ways but I just wish we didn’t have to be home at certain times just because of football or we can’t go anywhere because of it. Our values are just so different to me family and friends come before anything where's he doesn’t think the same and while football has always been important it’s seems so much worse.

Sorry that you are in a similar situation. Must be hard especially with a child.

OP posts:

Original poster

30somethinglost · 27/11/2023 06:14

Penguinfeetteal · 27/11/2023 04:58

Have you got kids? And how old are you? Honestly he probably won't change so id seriously consider whether you want to have kids with him and be doing all the cooking, cleaning and parenting when there is sports on...

Both in our 30s, no kids yet but again this is something that made me think. I often say I don’t know how people with children get everything done.

OP posts:

NeonSoda · 27/11/2023 06:18

So I think if you knew he enjoyed watching alot of football before you got together and nothing has changed, then this is something you probably need to accept and find your own fun things to do while he’s busy.

I have on my dating profiles that I watch every F1 session (23 race weekends a year, and there are sessions on three days each time) and I would be disappointed if I was dating someone for a while, it got serious, and then they wanted me to change.

Original poster

30somethinglost · 27/11/2023 06:20

baileys6904 · 26/11/2023 18:33

Did he do this before you got married? Did u say anything then?

My OH is a big football fan, whereas I didnt care about it. I knew he was a fan when we got together, and I actually quite like the time I have to myself

I was the same and enjoyed my time when it was just a couple of hours on a Sat and it didnt control what we did unless it was his team which I understand but now it’s around 12 hours over the weekend.

OP posts:

LaurieStrode · 27/11/2023 06:58

junbean · 26/11/2023 18:30

That's why I wouldn't go into a relationship with someone into watching sports, or really into gaming, or anything hong I'm not devoted to. It's just not my lifestyle. That's part of choosing someone. If you knew he liked watching sports when you met him, it's unreasonable to be annoyed now. If he suddenly changed to become this way I could see it. YABU

Yeah, this. Sexual attraction doesn't necessarily lead to lifestyle compatibility.

reabies · 27/11/2023 12:03

'If I suggest doing anything we have to be back by a certain time for a match etc. so I end doing things alone or seeing friends then he moans I am not in.'

^^ I think this is the thing that would piss me off the most. Why does he get to moan at you for not being in, if being in just means he's watching his sport and you're not doing anything together anyway?

If I were you I'd start being out and having a lot more fun without him, let him realise that you won't sit around doing boring shit for hours and hours on weekends - and let yourself slowly realise that you have more fun without him around, then bin him off.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 12:10

You would be mad to have children with this man. Don't do it.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/11/2023 12:21

If you want children, you are going to have to leave. There is no way he's going to become an active engaged parent.

Imagine struggling to get a 5yr old to a weekend activity, while wrestling with a tiny toddler, on your own, while he sits in his pants watching Rotherham get thrashed by Watford. Nope.