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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Silent treatment after argument

10 replies

Pinkyellow · 26/11/2023 09:28

‘D’P has the habit of completely ignoring me when we have conflict, it’s emotionally exhausting and makes me feel really shit. We had a disagreement on Friday evening, he said he wanted us to speak on the phone to discuss/resolve on Saturday, Saturday comes and goes with no call - he sent me a message saying he was driving home and would ring me when he got in, the call never came and and he ignored my text response. I haven’t heard from him since, and probably won’t at all today.

If it hadn’t already happened several times, I’d assume he was just busy and we would catch up the following day. But I can almost predict when it’ll happen and it is causing me a lot of anxiety. I then have to wait around for him to get in touch, as he will not respond to my calls/texts, sometimes this take a couple of days and I feel it is a way for him to feel like he has the upper hand.

Am I being over the top or dramatic about this? I love him but I feel so emotionally drained and sad.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/11/2023 09:36

If your friend had written this what would your advice be?

He is punishing you for some transgression in his head. The silent treatment you get is another form of emotional abuse and abuse is about power and control. This person wants absolute over you. This type of person will not change and there is no getting through to him. Your best option here is to leave him and rebuild your life. He indeed will continue to abuse you as long as you are together. A truly loving relationship is not what you are describing here. You may love him but his actions towards you are not loving ones. You are not over the top nor over dramatic here. Enrol
yourself onto the Freedom program going forward too.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 26/11/2023 09:41

I love him but I feel so emotionally drained and sad

That isnt love.

end the relationship and place more value on how you feel.

Milknosugarta · 26/11/2023 09:44

He's manipulative and mean. Give him a taste of his own medicine, and forget him. You can do better than him. 💐

EvenBetta · 26/11/2023 09:47

Stonewalling is abuse, there’s no excuse for it and no reason to accept it. Relationships are solely for enhancing your life and being fun.
Block him. When he comes crawling back after deeming your ‘punishment’ over, tell him you don’t find him attractive and the relationship is over.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 26/11/2023 09:48

Sulking is hugely unattractive. Going silent on someone is nasty, abusive, controlling and manipulative. Grown ups communicate with each other. I would be calling time, this is not someone I'd want to be in a relationship with.

category12 · 26/11/2023 09:48

The silent treatment can be an emotionally abusive tactic. Basically he punishes you for disagreement by withdrawing.

Since you don't live together, it's easier practically to end it, and that's what i think you're best off doing.

Xccccc · 26/11/2023 09:54

My ex husband did this to me. It would go on for weeks and I would be anxious and sad trying to work out what I had done or even if I was imagining it. I only realised this was wrong after we had split up. It's abusive behaviour but you don't see it at the time. I still wonder now if it was ' my fault 'and question if it was abusive because it wasn't physical.
Leave him and be happy. I did and I am.

Brewlover40 · 26/11/2023 10:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

SavBlancTonight · 26/11/2023 10:29

So your weekend is ruined worrying about this AND I bet that when you do talk you will be so happy he's back/so stressed that he will not have to acknowledge any poor behaviour from him or admit he did anything wrong in the original disagreement? Perhaps you will even apologise to him?

Controlling abusive behaviour. You are not living together it sounds like so end this noe before it gets worse.

Tinkerbyebye · 26/11/2023 10:38

Please just stop YOU are the enabler of this toxic and controlling behaviour by chasing him with texts and whittling about him not responding

you play him at his own game. Leave him to his sulking, don’t contact or chase him, carry on with your life. Arrange to meet friends, or family, do whatever you would normally do, and take the opportunity to decide if this behaviour is really what you want from a partner, and if it isnt dump him

doyou really love him even when he behaves like this, or are you just frightened of being on your own and you are settling for second best and toxic behaviours

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