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Original poster

Overly friendly male friend

10 replies

Midnight2290 · 26/11/2023 09:22

I am in my early 30s, and I have a male friend that I made earlier this year. He was interested in me, but I’ve made it clear I’d like to remain friends. I really like having this person in my life and they’re very nice to me and incredibly supportive.

Despite this, I have noticed that they are very, very affectionate and friendly towards me. E.g. telling me how thankful they are to have me in their life, they love me as a friend etc. sending lots of emojis etc.

I picked up on it with them, and they said they are like this with all of their friends and that’s just how they are. I am finding it a bit confusing. What should I do? Ask them to stop?! It’s a nice trait, and they are a very warm and affectionate person, so I can believe they are like this with others in their life, but it’s not what I am used to. I am also wondering what it’ll be like when I get into a relationship and how my partner would feel about how they talk / act towards me.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 26/11/2023 09:26

If it makes you uncomfortable detach. You don’t owe him anything. Unless you’re enjoying it in which case consider his original offer and if you still can’t see him as a partner, detach. All the while you’re entertaining him being warm and flattering he probably thinks he has a chance.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 26/11/2023 09:29

Classic case of you've put him in the friend zone, but he disagrees and has you in the fuck zone. He isn't your friend, he is only being nice because he still wants to date you.

solice84 · 26/11/2023 09:30

You can't have a friendship with someone if there are romantic feelings involved on either side
He's hoping for more
You don't want more
You need to distance youself for both your sakes .

Epidote · 26/11/2023 09:35

He is trying to go out the friend zone and have something with you.
Detach now you are on time. No excuses, he is that nice to you because he want more of you.

swimsong · 26/11/2023 09:54

You have a platonic friendship with him - but he is in a platonic relationship with you. There is not an objective truth.

When you do start seeing someone else and speak to him, to not acknowledge that you have been getting some of the benefits of being in a relationship from him - the support, the male attention etc is a bit mean - as are the judgements that he just wants to shag you, when it's more likely that he has a full spectrum attraction to you. Show him gratitude for the portion of a relationship you've been enjoying and benefitting from.

It's not too long - only decades - since a single man and a single woman spending one-to-one time with each other only had one meaning - potential romance. We've not yet fully adapted.

In the meantime, limit your time with him to less than once a week and make sure he knows about your time other male friends.

Original poster
Midnight2290 · 26/11/2023 09:56

Lamelie · 26/11/2023 09:26

If it makes you uncomfortable detach. You don’t owe him anything. Unless you’re enjoying it in which case consider his original offer and if you still can’t see him as a partner, detach. All the while you’re entertaining him being warm and flattering he probably thinks he has a chance.

That’s what I was wondering, and I don’t wish to lead him on as that isn’t fair. It’s a tough one as I like being friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Midnight2290 · 26/11/2023 09:58

swimsong · 26/11/2023 09:54

You have a platonic friendship with him - but he is in a platonic relationship with you. There is not an objective truth.

When you do start seeing someone else and speak to him, to not acknowledge that you have been getting some of the benefits of being in a relationship from him - the support, the male attention etc is a bit mean - as are the judgements that he just wants to shag you, when it's more likely that he has a full spectrum attraction to you. Show him gratitude for the portion of a relationship you've been enjoying and benefitting from.

It's not too long - only decades - since a single man and a single woman spending one-to-one time with each other only had one meaning - potential romance. We've not yet fully adapted.

In the meantime, limit your time with him to less than once a week and make sure he knows about your time other male friends.

Seriously good advice and very insightful. You are totally right. I feel we are both benefitting from being in a relationship with eachother without actually. It’s strange. But I do care about him. It’s a strange position to find yourself in.

I don’t think I can completely detach.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/11/2023 10:21

I think of you believe he's like this generally, then it's wrong to tell him he must treat YOU differently because you are special. You either except him how he is or you don't.

You say a new bf won't approve. So is it bordering in sexual? Or heavily emotional - can't imagine living without you, you're the first thing he thinks of every morning, hours of chat every day etc?

Original poster
Midnight2290 · 26/11/2023 10:32

SleepingStandingUp · 26/11/2023 10:21

I think of you believe he's like this generally, then it's wrong to tell him he must treat YOU differently because you are special. You either except him how he is or you don't.

You say a new bf won't approve. So is it bordering in sexual? Or heavily emotional - can't imagine living without you, you're the first thing he thinks of every morning, hours of chat every day etc?

It’s not sexual, it’s emotional. Like talks to me all day long, says good morning, good night. Checks in with me etc

OP posts:
CupOfNaff · 26/11/2023 17:46

@Swimsong excellent post.

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