I have PMS so this may be unreasonable. I have no one else who would understand this situation other than my brother but he has chosen to be estranged from all of the family.
I've never lived with my real dad. My mam left him (for someone else) when I was a couple of weeks old. Not because he wasn't a good husband or father. She just wanted to be with someone else. Because of this, I have a nice relationship with him but quite distant in the way that you are if you've never lived with your parent and saw them quite infrequently. I also lived abroad as a child so that was also years apart from him.
When he remarried his wife was nice enough to me but I never felt on even footing with the children they went on to have together. I vividly remember getting £15 for Christmas and they got hundreds of pounds spent on them. It wasn't even as though he paid a lot in maintenance for me. He paid £25 a week in the 80s. I was just always the outsider. I wasn't really taken on holiday with them either. Holidays were for their family not me.
Anyway that's not really what I'm upset about, it was just to give an idea about why I would be sensitive about this.
I found out recently that my brother and his wife and kids go to my (and his) mam and stepdads (his dad) house for tea every week. They have a set day that they go every single week. They also get a hell of a lot more help with childcare than we ever get. Our youngest has slept at my mam's house twice in his life. He used to ask to stay over but gave up after a while. They get two full days childcare for their youngest from them. We had to pay for nursery for ours. Plus their children are just always at their house. My brother has not had to give up any of his time consuming hobbies such as rock-climbing due to having children. If his wife isn't available my mam and stepdad just have the kids for them. There has been no lifestyle changes for him like there has been for us.
We get one school pickup from them a week. I'm not knocking it. We are grateful for it. I really only see my mam in passing when I pick our child up on that one day after they've had them for 2 hours.
My other brother, the estranged one, said he didn't want anything to do with parents anymore (has a different dad to favoured brother) because he was abused mentally and emotionally as a child and teen. He has quite severe MH issues and drug use so some of his rantings aren't accurate as I remember them but I'm starting to think maybe he has some sort of point. He was the only one who would know how I feel as an outsider.
I can't contact him. He's violent and a drug addict but in some ways I miss him as at least then I wasn't the only one on left out.
I have to say that as far as I know, we are all treated equally financially other than I've been told I'll only receive a small inheritance as of course I have one coming from my dad as well.
I've never said this to either of my parents but actually everyone thinks someone else is leaving me something so actually no one really is. My mam thinks I'll get from my dad so mostly leaves me out and my dad favours his other children because he thinks I'll inherit from my mam. I don't really care about being left any money at all. It's just another example.
It's felt good to write that down. My husband really does have an abusive mother so I can't talk to him about this.