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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Involving family in our drama - AIBU

6 replies

butterbean59 · 25/11/2023 19:12

The last few weeks me and my boyfriend have been in a bad place because of his inappropriate behaviour. He has told every member of his family about our troubles - obviously not telling them what he’s done but just that we are in a bad place.

This evening he came over to talk (we spoke for hours) and one of the things I said was that if we even consider continuing this relationship he needs to stop involving family. It makes me uncomfortable to know that everyone knows we are having issues. Especially if we sort things out and I then have to go and see these people and they know we’ve had problems.

I asked him to go back to his flat tonight so he can spend the night alone and think about all the crap he’s put me through. So he gets up to go, then mentions that he’s not staying at his flat but has been invited to his brothers as they know he’s on his own tonight. He actually was texting them just before he left mine so had only just accepted their invitation to go over.

He doesn’t get why I’m annoyed by it! What will happen now is his brothers and his wife will chat with him all night about our relationship and try and get all the gossip. He’s not even close to his brother and usually sees him once or twice a year, even though they live 20 mins away.

I just feel like everything we’ve spoken about for the last few hours has fallen on deaf ears and he has no idea why I’m upset. Before he told me he was going there I actually believed he’d listened to what I was asking of him as he said all the right things and agreed on the family thing.

AIBU to be annoyed? My main grievance is that he’s not even close to these people, and they will just be wanting all the details on why we are arguing to entertain them on a Saturday night.

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 25/11/2023 19:14

Is he 18 op? Real grown ups don't go on like this in a healthy relationship.. Let him go then dump him.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 25/11/2023 19:17

Yabu to not end the relationship.

Epidote · 25/11/2023 19:18

I would be annoyed too. Your boyfriend seems like he doesn't want to be in the wrong ever? Am I wrong thinking that he is getting a plaster before the scratch and he likes to present himself like a victim to his family?

I would be as annoyed as you and I would be keeping and eye to detect any further bullshit, he sounds very inmature.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/11/2023 19:20

Just dump him and find someone who is not suffering from verbal diarrhoea.
This doesn't get better.
When you're struggling to conceive you'll have his brother's girlfriend texting you about bollocks "fertility cures" when you wanted to keep it to yourselves.
When you're pregnant, he'll tell his family before the first scan.
When you're having postnatal incontinence, his mum will know before you can even get a GP to refer you anywhere.
This sort of person is not trustworthy and isn't a good person to start a relationship with. They don't change. Just dump.

billy1966 · 25/11/2023 19:25

How have you not gotten the absolute ICK🤢🤮

Cherrysoup · 25/11/2023 22:32

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 25/11/2023 19:14

Is he 18 op? Real grown ups don't go on like this in a healthy relationship.. Let him go then dump him.

More like 12! What an idiot to tell his brother he’d be alone tonight when you’d just as him to stop telling his family everything! Arse.

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