How to be single and happy!?

[Londdi]

Hello everyone, last week was a last straw . I’ve been dating for almost three years now - on and off dating apps, even tried to get out of my comfort zone and asked a guy on a date in real life twice! Got set on dates by friends. All disasters!! Both of my dates cancelled last week. All men want casual / being ghosted all the time. I’m lucky I have an amazing child and even tho I really wanted more I spent last week imagining how life would be if I’m staying single. Try to travel little bit more, set other goals (I’m doing marathon next year !!). I love sex so I’ll most likely do casual fling here and there, but chasing relationships brought me nothing but misery and my self esteem is all time low. Any tips how to be single and fulfilled in life without a man? (One of my biggest fears is never being able to get mortgage on single income in London, but maybe I could get PhD in some high demand subject instead of another baby and a man🤣 it will probably require much less effort 🤣). Anyone make the decision to stay single recently ? Are you happy? What are your plans? Any good instagrams to follow or books to read on a subject?

I'm 32. Single for 5 years. I can co sleep with my son without having to worry about it ruining a relationship. I can take him to his clubs 4 times a week without worrying I'll have to cancel for a date. I can do whatever I want, when I want. Don't have to worry or ask permission when I buy something weird or eccentric for my house. I don't have to worry about stupid arguments or upsetting anyone. I can have casual sex and because of my decision to stay single, I have never fallen for anyone I've slept with because I'm sure in my decision to be on my own. I am completely in love with myself as a single woman. It's amazing.

I genuinely love being single. Only responsible for me and my child. So many threads on here about useless men, do you really want one? Even my friends with ‘good’ partners moan about how crap they are! Focus on the freedom it gives you. Also get a FWB, means you have regular sex without one night stands. I have this. Great date nights, hotel stays, but in between just me happily getting on.

Yes, the looking for somebody is what makes me unhappy, not being single. After my last relationship ended amicably (we are still friendly) I swore never again to look for love. If it finds me I don't have walls up around myself but no to actively looking.

Loads of threads on this site on this very topic, OP

Anyone at the other end of kids and still rocking the single thing?
I found it easier when I had the distraction of my kids but now they are older it's not the same - I am still needed for picks up after parties, for support with friendship/boyfriend issues etc so I don't feel completely free - but not to spend time with.
I don't want to online date or even enter a new relationship really but it's also hard when you're older and everyone you know has a long term partner/husband. Feels like all my friends are hunkering down with their other halves now and enjoying weekends that are largely child-free.

My DS is an adult - just about - and I’ve spent the last few years developing friendships and building my social circle.

Im now at point where my social life combined with mum duties and work means I really would struggle to find the time to date.

Im very happy single and feel the most content with myself that I ever have. Im actually now considering whether a FEB might work better for me than a relationship it’s just finding the right person without attracting a series of sleazy desperados lol

@SamW98 Any tips on how you have developed your social circle?

I would love to meet other older single women who are free to do things spontaneously. That's what I miss, that "fancy the cinema this afternoon?" thing rather than having to book in days/weeks ahead.

Same, my DD is 20 now, but the number of friends I have who are free to eat out, go for walks, see films, holiday break away with me is small. I have married friends who either have much younger children or married friends who prioritise doing things with their husbands, I get both of those situations, not complaining. I have single parent friends who either have younger children and therefore no freedom (yet) and/or no money to eat out, go away for a bit. I'm like goldilocks somehow. My friends have different considerations.

We are 4 sisters and this is what I have observed. It is only worth it if the guy is worth it. My older sister compromised too much with her ex of 4 years. She is reborn now that she is single again. She went to paris for two months, is learning french, going to the gym and putting herself first in every aspect. She is proof that being single can be wonderful.
On the other hand I am in a very happy relationship. I see how both options can be great and can lead to very happy outcomes. But yeah, being single does not scare me.
I know that if things do not work out with my current partner that I can have a fulfilling life.

A colleague of mine is doing IVF by herself with donor sperm. If things do not work out with my current partner ( as much as I would like them too) I am considering this option too

I’ve always been involved in going to soul/house music events right back to my teenage years so I already knew people as casual acquaintances and I’ve turned some of those into good friends.
Coming out of lockdown helped as I met with a few girls I know who live locally when there were outdoor and seated events going on.
It’s built from there tbh and a few of us have taken our friendship away from just the music events and now spend a lot of time together.
So I was lucky I had a bit of a foundation to work with but I need put myself out there and asked people if I could tag along with them or if anyone fancied coming out with me.

@SamW98 Thanks for your reply.

Well done on putting yourself out there, sounds like it's really paid off x

From a financial perspective, living in London when your single is terribly difficult, even on a fabulous salary. In time you get used to being single, more time for your own hobbies, no compromises with anyone else, total freedom, It does become the norm. Missing sex is another thing entirely, but I've found, from a bloke's perspective, eventually you can cope with the occasionally casual encounter, but that can become meaningless and somewhat empty if repeated. I've given up on modern dating, but not for the reasons you'll have done It, It is, after all, a bit of a sham. Meeting someone randomly, unplanned, in real-life is much more preferable than scrolling for an age, chatting, ghosting, then beginning all over again.

@ChanelNo19EDT thats what my single mate says unfortunately she lives a couple of hundred miles away from me. My other single mate lives next village over so not too far. What I have found is that we can just do stuff like watch a bit of tv together and sit and drink tea it doesn’t always have to be something that’s a big day out or costs money.

I think it's about getting your life to a place where you think "well what more would a partner add to it?" And finding that you feel they wouldn't add anything! This is going to look different to everyone. Some might want to develop their friendships or careers, hobbies, or go travelling etc.

I tried the relationship thing for so long but it didn't really benefit me. I wasn't used to putting myself first but when I finally did I realised I loved it! Sure occasionally I miss having someone but the huge raft of negatives a relationship would bring to my life far outweigh any positives.

I'm not saying never but realistically it's highly unlikely. I'm not looking and I'd want to know someone as a friend for a long time first before even contemplating anything else. My trust level is on the floor tbh after many bad experiences.

Knowing I will never let someone hurt me in any way again does bring me a level of peace and contentment. That's what I hold onto.

You could leave London. Buy a house somewhere more sensibly priced.

I'm happily single with one ds. I have a house in rural Hampshire, definitely not London prices. Nice school, plenty of space.

I can eat what I like, have my home how I want, run my finances how I want. Dress as I wish without comment. Enjoy my friends and hobbies. Put my ds and my job first. It's great. 🙂

If I want male company, it's not difficult. No need to live with him though. I have no intention of finding another full-time relationship until ds has headed off to university. Once that decision was taken, it was very easy to relax in to the role.

I enjoy being single!

I fill my time with friends and family and our pets.
I travel alone and with family/friends. I go to shows, concerts and socialise. I consume good food and drink, even though I'm often eating for one.

I can binge a whole netflix series in a weekend if I've no plans, and I love that!

I answer to nobody, except what I need to do as a parent!

Been single many years, and it's unlikely to change. I have flings when I can be arsed and have a fwb.