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Original poster

To never experience feeling desired

13 replies

Sundance03 · 25/11/2023 11:50

I feel so sad that I've reached my 40s and have never experienced anyone desiring me. I've been married to DH for years and have DC but he doesn't seem remotely interested in me or shows that he finds me attractive. Even outwith my marriage I have had noone ever showing me that they find me attractive. I hear all the stories abd experiences of OW and how they fight attention off them abd it makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

OP posts:
LionelMessy · 25/11/2023 18:39

Start a hobby or join a group locally of something you interested in - be it sports, knitting, painting, anything.
Raise your self esteem.
Don't let your husband make you feel down trodden

Lotyt · 25/11/2023 18:46

To be honest I don’t know many women who spend all their time fending off admirers and once you hit 40 it’s pretty rare! Even younger men don’t bother making much effort now when out in bars, knowing they can swipe right at the end of the night and possibly get lucky that way!

It sounds to me like your self esteem is low and that is understandable given the apathy your DH shows you.

Only you can change what happens in your life so try to make it more exciting and get your highs from other things rather than hoping for the glance or compliment from a man!

If your relationship is poor then decide it it’s something you want to change.

GreyCarpet · 25/11/2023 18:49

You're in a crap relationship and it's dulled your sparkle. Simple as that.

I was in a crappy relationship where I wasn't desired from 26-37. I left it and have received more attention from men in my 40s than I ever did in my 20s and 30s because I sparkled again (according to other people).

I went out last night and was told by an 18 year old he didn't believe I was 48 and a man in his 20s asked for my number. Now, obviously I wouldn't be interested in either of them! But that would never have happened in my 20s...

GreyCarpet · 25/11/2023 18:51

Only you can change what happens in your life so try to make it more exciting and get your highs from other things rather than hoping for the glance or compliment from a man!

This is very true.

Go out, see friends, make new friends, have your own fun. Go to see local bands, join a choir, take up dance lessons. Anything!

Epidote · 25/11/2023 22:13

Nothing, there is nothing wrong you. Some people is more sexy than others. They way they look, the way they move, what they say, how they say it. Some people is more formal that others for the same reason. Most of us find the first type amazing for a fling, some intense romance but as well most of us will choose the second type to get a LTR because they project security and at the end of the day we don't want to live in a soap opera.

If you are the second type, it may be the case that even if someone desires you they may not tell you because they may feel that you are not up to the first type. They would admire you in secret because they may think they will fool themselves telling you.
If you want to experience a bit of butterflies in your stomach the only think you need to do is relax, smile and be a bit more cheeky.

JasonJuly · 25/11/2023 23:42

Sundance03 · 25/11/2023 11:50

I feel so sad that I've reached my 40s and have never experienced anyone desiring me. I've been married to DH for years and have DC but he doesn't seem remotely interested in me or shows that he finds me attractive. Even outwith my marriage I have had noone ever showing me that they find me attractive. I hear all the stories abd experiences of OW and how they fight attention off them abd it makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

Has DH shown more interest in the past or is this more of a recent problem?

It could be nothing you’re doing wrong at all and instead be a problem with him causing the lack of affection or sex drive. Every woman should be made to feel sexy and desired by their partner though.

Original poster
Sundance03 · 26/11/2023 07:30

I just feel so sad about it all, as I feel like my younger years are behind me and I'll never experience anyone finding me attractive. Relationship with DH is OK for the most part but no compliments or looks or anything really. As pp have said I suppose to concentrate on other areas of my life.

OP posts:
JasonJuly · 26/11/2023 07:41

Sundance03 · 26/11/2023 07:30

I just feel so sad about it all, as I feel like my younger years are behind me and I'll never experience anyone finding me attractive. Relationship with DH is OK for the most part but no compliments or looks or anything really. As pp have said I suppose to concentrate on other areas of my life.

I don’t agree, you say you’re in your 40’s and this is definitely not old at all. Definitely too young to be feeling the way you do and this is because DH isn’t pulling his weight in this department.

Does he go along if you initiate things or does he say no if you tried to show some affection? This is clearly bothering you and it will continue to unless you do something about it but you need to talk to DH about how you’re feeling.

Coconutter24 · 26/11/2023 07:55

Why do you need anyone to desire you? Find something that makes you feel good, work on yourself and your self esteem. Saying that you could speak to DH about how undesirable you feel/he makes you feel see if that helps. He may just like many of us got comfy and forgets the effort to show it

category12 · 26/11/2023 08:08

I wouldn't say it's a need but god it's fun when you're with someone who makes you feel sexy and desirable, and there's the anticipation and lust on both sides. Why do you want this? Why wouldn't you as a sexual being?

Seaoftroubles · 26/11/2023 14:17

I agree with @category12, if you still fancy your partner of course you want them to still find you desirable. And if you are in your 40s that's still much too young to feel your ship has sailed in that department! Work on your self esteem by all means but l would also have a heart with your DH, he may have no idea you feel this way. If its any consolation l had the hottest relationship ever when l was considerably older than you, so never say never!

JasonJuly · 26/11/2023 16:11

category12 · 26/11/2023 08:08

I wouldn't say it's a need but god it's fun when you're with someone who makes you feel sexy and desirable, and there's the anticipation and lust on both sides. Why do you want this? Why wouldn't you as a sexual being?

Completely agree with this, who wouldn’t want their sex life to be this way. Long may it continue for you lol

librarycards · 26/11/2023 16:32

I’m in my 40s and have had quite a few admirers and it has ruined my life and also made me very miserable. Just to say the grass isn’t greener and men can make you feel shit whether they’re desiring you or no… who or what do you desire? I think that’s more interesting. Find someone or thing that you ardently desire.

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