Angry/argumentative DH

[CantThinkOfAUsername100]

Im really not looking forward to Christmas. Im usually someone who loves it and makes it extra special for the children. Ive told and tried to open conversations about splitting up with dh over the past 10 months. I just cant seem to get anything from him. He shuts down and wont talk.

issues are around, weve been together a long time. For me, i just dont feel the same anymore. We dont do anything together. dont go out together. We dont have sex (my decision as i dont feel that way anymore, plus he has previous for sex pest behaviour). I feel weve grown apart. Im like the parent to the children, doing all for them and hes like someone who lives in the house. He doesnt do anything with them.

His drinking is also a bone of contension.

at weekends, because of the situation were in of me wanting to split. Once hes had a drink hes vile to me. Such a bad mood. We dont have these issues when hes sober. How do i end this. Weekends are bad enough, dreading the two weeks of none stop drinking over Christmas

It's incredibly hard, but the only way is to bite the bullet and start divorce proceedings. I know it's scary because I've done it - mine was also a drinker and it was affecting the DC. And yes, he got worse, it was incredibly tough, but life without him in the house was so worth it. Find your strength, tell your friends and get their support and go for it.

Do you have somewhere you can go to now? Can you afford to rent somewhere? If he knows you're planning to leave him then his drinking will increase over Christmas. If you can't afford it yet I would keep quiet and go as soon as you can.

Really sorry op but there is no easy way to do this. You need legal advice, go alone and find out where you stand financially. Obviously you’re very unhappy and you have a right to feel the way you do. His drinking and abuse is not your fault because you have said the relationship will end, it’s his choice to behave like that. The sooner the better, he sounds volatile and that isn’t safe for you or the dc. It’s time for him to move out or you and dc move out, if this is financially viable.

id really like him to go. I don’t really want to uproot the kids. We rent not own. Eldest is gcses this year so ideally want to keep the norm for them. He has rooms available with family, i dont. Kids would stay with me anyway. Its such a shitty situation. He gets angry and shouty but he cant see Hes prolonging this situation by staying. I really want a new year fresh start, but ideally him out in the next couple of weeks.

the real issue here and whats made is grown apart is his drinking. I dont mind alcohol. But i feel he has an issue- daily drinking. He denys that and says ive got mental health issues for wanting to split up 😂 he hides his drinking too.

Only you can change this dynamic OP as your H is content to have you being his live in cleaner/mum substitute
You aren’t happy this is not going to change unless you act.
Procrastinating isn’t going make you happy

Your right. I do feel like his mum. Here i am cleaning and folding his bloody pants and entertaining the kids whilst i feel ill and hes gone out to meet a mate for a drink… mug. No doubt im in for another character assassination tonight 🫤

1. file for divorce
2. 2take half the money from any joint accounts into an account in your sole name
3. apply for child maintenece
4. ask him to move out by x date
5. contact the landlord and explain you wish the tennancy to be in your sole name, what can they do
6. if 5 is not possible search for a new home and arrange the rental agreement alone giving notice to current landlord that as of x date you are leaving the property and husband will be paying the rent

I feel for you so much. You're 100% doing the right thing in leaving. Start planning your exit; even if you have to move during GCSEs, it's better than having your children around an alcoholic. Been there, done that.