Help me appreciate my husband (is this normal and does it pass)?

[Cartrucktractor]

NC because I feel a fool.

I have 2 DC with a wonderful, genuinely wonderful man. Eldest is 5, youngest is nearly 1. Naturally our lives are very busy, mainly revolving around the kids and logistics. Youngest never sleeps so we're both running on empty.

For the past 18 months, since middle of pregnancy I guess, I've been lurching from mad crush to mad crush on colleagues/old friends, to the point where I become convinced that I will eventually act on one of them, despite never wanting to cheat before now. It's like I don't trust myself at all. I'm very flirty when I occasionally do go out and I guess desperate for validation or something? Even though all of these crushes are untenable for whatever reason- and obviously an affair would be a terrible, self defeating idea.

I had terrible PND with my first, and though I've avoided it with my second, I'm still on meds and it does feel a struggle to stay sane sometimes. I feel like the past five years I've been sort of obliterated, or the old me has, and I'm still sort of pulling the pieces back together.

Has anyone been here? I know my rational self doesn't want to cheat, but how can I get my marriage back on track? Will time just help? How do I not take my husband for granted? He is a very equal partner and parent so it's not that I feel resentment about that. I rationally know that I love him very much and would never want to hurt him, but I think I feel a bit numb emotionally and disconnected.

Has anyone else had this? Please talk wisdom to me. TIA X

Please don't think about acting on these impulsive feelings, for starters. It can sometimes feel like you're in a rut with your kids and putting each other first in a relationship seems to take a back burner. If you are searching for validation, please look for it from your wonderful partner. I read about people who are depressed who seek that high of excitement from others but it's an empty and shallow thing to do. Please sit your husband down and make plans to spend time together, even if it's at home. He sounds amazing- keep hold of him and your lovely family. I would recommend counselling for yourself, too. It sounds like talking might help xxx

I get this feeling from time to time, although haven't for a while.

The only thing that cures it for me, sorry to be crude, is to have lots of good sex with my dh. With young kid(s) you have to deliberately make the time eg take time off work when they're at nursery or whatever. Or set an alarm for 4am or whatever time you know your dc will most likely be asleep.

If your dh doesn't do sex well, there's no easy fix for the problem though.

Thanks for your advice both.
And the sex tip isn't a bad idea! I think we probably need to prioritise sex, and our romantic relationship much more, it's at the bottom of the pile at the moment.