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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish Men

29 replies

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:14

I have been with my partner for 10 years and I really cant bare a minute longer with him. He has lots of money and properties and earns megabucks working away from home. I own my own flat and when he is home he stays with me. He was quite happy to live rent free contributing nothing to food, bills or rent in the early days until I put my foot down so now he pays for the nights he is here but it doesnt even cover his shower, washing his clothes or tea and coffee!! When we go out or on holiday I pay for myself. He somehow manages to turn every situation round to himself as if it is me for example i have recently lost my job and am struggling but he went down my throat like a tonne of bricks because i wasnt happy enough when he told me he had won some money and I took the shine off it for him!! I feel like a single person who just happens to be in a relationship as I cant rely on him for anything. Other woman have men who will help them but I do everything myself. In the 10 years he has "lived" with me he has never once cut the grass or painted a ceiling. I have been so low and he called me a miserable c*. Is this how a man should speak to a woman? Unless everything is going his way then he is down and I have spent years cheering him up, now its his turn to help me in my hour of need and he cant or won't. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Velvetbee · 24/11/2023 18:17

Dump him ffs!

tescocreditcard · 24/11/2023 18:18

Tell me when the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers was and I'll tell you my thoughts.

Zamzamzamdeedah · 24/11/2023 18:19

Do you even have to ask

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:21

I honestly cant remember it was so long ago. Probably after a row

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 24/11/2023 18:24

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:21

I honestly cant remember it was so long ago. Probably after a row

You can't remember when he brought you some flowers? OK. My thoughts, since you asked, are that you must be absolutely desparate to have a man to put up with all of that. Probably not what you wanted to hear, sorry.

rwalker · 24/11/2023 18:27

Out of interest how much does he pay a night

Dacadactyl · 24/11/2023 18:28

Get rid.

BeenRoundThatBlock · 24/11/2023 18:32

You are a single woman with selfish man who works away, bring nothing to your life and 'pays' to stay the night probably because it's cheaper than a hotel. With laundry services.

MonsteraMama · 24/11/2023 18:37

You've wasted ten years of your life on this bellend? Dear god, leave him immediately, dig your bar up from wherever you've buried it and raise it!

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/11/2023 18:41

What are my thoughts? Why the hell have you put up with this selfish git for ten years - that’s my first thought! Ffs dump him. He won’t change and he’s horrible, why put up with this?

mambojambodothetango · 24/11/2023 18:43

This type of thread makes me believe the rumours that some people use Chat GPT to troll us

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:49

Ladies, thank you all for your comments. You know i knew but just needed confirmation.

Btw im embarrassed to admit but £10 per night

OP posts:
Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:51

Not sure what you mean?

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 24/11/2023 18:52

mambojambodothetango · 24/11/2023 18:43

This type of thread makes me believe the rumours that some people use Chat GPT to troll us

Yes I'm getting that vibe too. Too many new posters with very controversial posts.

tescocreditcard · 24/11/2023 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

doitwithlove · 24/11/2023 18:54

Get rid, he is offering you no support at all.

Sorry to read you have lost your job, get applying and move forward without him

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 18:57

Thank you to you all.

I can guarantee i am genuine so the bedside table comment is unnecessary. I have asked here for for advice so your comment is cruel.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 24/11/2023 19:11

I have been so low and he called me a miserable c. Is this how a man should speak to a woman? *

No. Nothing more to say really - he is not a keeper.

Nexttimewillprobablybethesame · 24/11/2023 19:20

He is treating you like shit, and you are letting him.
I've been in a very similar situation. You deserve more.
Unfortunately, standards have already been set.
You may be wising up, but he is very unlikely to change.
You have wasted enough time, don't waste anymore.
Focus on building your self-esteem, then finds someone who is deserving of your time and attention.

Channellingsophistication · 24/11/2023 19:23

My thoughts are.. what is the point of the relationship? I dont see you get anything out of it. Using the c word to you like that is disgraceful.

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 19:33

The end is nigh, i just needed some help to confirm that. Thanks again

OP posts:
Epidote · 24/11/2023 19:49

Get rid of him.

SallySunrise · 24/11/2023 19:50

Pack his stuff and direct him to the nearest travelodge.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/11/2023 20:21

I don't get posts like this. Do some people think that it's the law that they must have a man?
Op - if someone makes your life worse, you don't have to be with them.

Deedee1219 · 24/11/2023 20:55

I was on my own bringing my child up for a long time. I was quite happy even though i had opportunities to start dating again so no ive never felt that i needed a man. I bought my own home and have lots of friends so can stand on my own two feet.
When i met this guy we did have fun but ultimately i realise i popooed over a lot of things which i shouldnt have and time just passed by.

Now i am gonna do something about it and if that means being single then so be it.

OP posts:
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