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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend says unkind things

11 replies

Hansonrapids · 24/11/2023 15:50

We’ve been dating for 2 and 1/2 years. He comes over for dinner a couple of times a week but he seems to feel entitled about it. When he takes me to eat which is twice a month he usually takes me to pubs for hamburgers. He never brings anything when he comes to dinner even when I specifically suggest that he bring something. The other day I made a holiday dinner and said if he likes cherry pie could he pick one up and he said anything you pick is fine so I got the pie . The reason this is causing me resentment is because he said it costs him $8 each time to drive the 20 minutes to my house so he shouldn’t have to bring anything and that he takes me out to eat. I used to pay for our meals out but I recently stopped because I felt I was being taken advantage of.
When I point out that his behaviors are hurtful he just makes excuses and restates his point for example “im spending $8 to drive to your house ANd I have to bring groceries? I’d rather just stay home then.” Or “let’s not worry about this right now” He seems so entitled. I cut my finger the other day cooking and he was oblivious to it. There was blood all over the hand towel and then he said “let’s go take a shower together”. There was blood all over his hand when he went to turn on the shower. When I asked him about it the other day he said he didn’t know I had cut my finger. I need to value myself more. It’s always so hard for me to end relationships.

OP posts:
sixteenfurryfeet · 24/11/2023 15:56

You need to find some inner strength and finish this one. I wouldn't put up with that nonsense.

KnockKnockKnockPennyKnockKnockKnockPennyKnock · 24/11/2023 15:58

He spends $16 a week but eats free meals, uses your shower, charges his phone with your power, sleeps in your bed and is a shitty boyfriend.
Honestly, I’m not seeing what you get out of this deal at all.

Hansonrapids · 24/11/2023 15:59

Thanks for affirming that. I just need to hear it from someone else.

OP posts:
UncleHerbie · 24/11/2023 16:00

Fuck him off. He’s a tight-fisted tosser. You can do better

yellowsmileyface · 24/11/2023 16:01

You know what you need to do.

Why do you find it hard to end relationships? What's stopping you?

Kwer · 24/11/2023 16:04

You don’t love himnand he doesn’t love you. He’s innit for the free food and sex. What are you in it for? The blows to your self esteem?

While this man is in your life you can’t meet anyone better…

sixteenfurryfeet · 24/11/2023 16:04

You'd be better off on your own than with this chancer.

Begsthequestion · 24/11/2023 16:05

He sounds very entitled, inconsiderate, immature and pretty tight fisted too.

Why is he implying that paying for petrol to drive himself in his own car anywhere is somehow a big favour to you? He's an adult and living life often costs money, that's just how it is. Plus he gets dinner made for him and uses everything at your place while he's there!

You're worth so much more than this. Get rid.

Hansonrapids · 24/11/2023 16:06

I get emotionally attached even when I know the relationship isn’t good. I’ve done this two times in the past- stay in long term relationships that aren’t healthy. The first one was 16 years and the second one was 6 years. I keep trying to end things but he keeps texting me. I broke it off last year in September and in December he started texting me again. I didn’t sleep with him for 5 months from December to April so I thought maybe he wanted to work things out and not just see me again because he needed sex.

OP posts:
Begsthequestion · 24/11/2023 16:14

I think you should look into codependency. It sounds like you might be codependent i.e. stuck in a pattern of denying your own needs while looking after someone else's. It can make it very hard to walk away from bad relationships. But you can change yourself to break this pattern, instead of wasting your time trying unsuccessfully to change men like your bf into decent partners.

Men like him will try to reel you back in, because they just want to get their own needs met while you both ignore yours. I'd block him after you've broken up with him. And be single for a while and work on raising your self esteem and self compassion. Then in future you will find men like this unappealing and find it easier to walk away from manipulators like him. Good luck x

junbean · 24/11/2023 16:22

yellowsmileyface · 24/11/2023 16:01

You know what you need to do.

Why do you find it hard to end relationships? What's stopping you?

This is the question you should be asking yourself! Don't start another relationship until you know and have learnt how to undo it.

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