how to give f*kboy the message not interested w/out upsetting work dynamic

[MistletoeHolly]

Basically, I was lead to believe someone was single at work when they flirted with me. Since found out has a live-in partner but still wants to flirt/get attention for ego boost from me. If I ignore them they keep trying to bring me into conversations by mentioning my name and/or asking me questions such as "oh I bet mistletoeholly had a good weekend?"

I am trying to get over this person and crush on them. However, I don't want to be completely rude and cause trouble for myself at work. How do I subtly get them to leave me alone or just not try to engage me while I work on getting over it?

Can you wear headphones? Then genuinely won't hear him. If not, totally ignore any comments about your social life. Only answer questions related to work. If he keeps trying to flirt, go to the loo, or another office, or engage in chat with someone sitting beside you. Don't reply to him

Keep mentioning his girlfriend. So in the "I bet you had a good weekend!" example, you say "I sure did! Did you get up to anything nice with your girlfriend?"

Just shoehorn her in anywhere, even if you have to ask questions like "So where does your GF work?"

When I don't want to engage with somebody I give them a one word answer

They soon get the message

“Keep mentioning his girlfriend. So in the "I bet you had a good weekend!" example, you say "I sure did! Did you get up to anything nice with your girlfriend?"

Just shoehorn her in anywhere, even if you have to ask questions like "So where does your GF work?"”

Brilliant advice. That should close him down pretty quickly.

Haha ask questions about the girlfriend haha. Brilliant…..polite but also giving a subtle dig. Why don’t I ever come up with these genius responses.

Yup, ask about and mention his girlfriend. Every single time he talks to you.

Mentioning his girlfriend is not going to be a ‘gotcha!!!’- his scrote mind will think you are jealous and will continue to triangulate you. If he’s starting situationships with other women when he has a partner- he clearly doesn’t give a shit.

you just ignore him, one word answers, do not reciprocate any contact and move on.

if you think he’s going to be troublesome- speak to HR.

Thanks, yeah that's what I thought - he's only going to think I'm jealous. But thanks to everyone else for your suggestions.

I just hope he doesn't make my life unpleasant at work. I am starting to really get a smarmy vibe from him to be honest - I have noticed there are one or two colleagues he does it to as well (the over-friendly borderline flirting). When I have tried to ignore him before by being busy, he talks louder to my colleague and looks over at me so I have to be really rude to not join in, and that's not how I want to be. He will also say something to colleague which is related to me (such as "not like MistletoeHolly eh, Sandra? She always goes out drinking on the weekend) so that if I don't respond it looks pretty damn rude and bitter and like I am doing it for a reaction from him which is really not what I want - I just want him to get the message and stop trying to engage me.
Edited to add *but without causing an unpleasant atmosphere that anyone else would notice where he gets nasty and/or we can't be civil with each other

Have you tried just giving him a thin smile, a slightly cold stare and then turning back to your desk again? You could even throw in a bored sounding ‘ok’. You need to become very boring not rude, its easily done, just react boringly and talk about boring things and he will stop trying to get a reaction from you

Make an imaginary boyfriend up and drop him into every conversation ?

Not reallynthat would probably make things messier. But I wouldn't have the patience to tolerate this one

such as "not like MistletoeHolly eh, Sandra? She always goes out drinking on the weekend

When he is mentioning you like this, you could look at him and give THE look - meaning, what the heck are on about?
So you’re not being rude by not answering or interacting but at the same time, you make it clear he is off the mark.
Otherwise, one word answers are good too.

Two suggestions

1. when he does that kind of thing to get your attention, do that kind of awkward smile thing that you might do if someone a bit bonkers or really drunk was talking to you in the pub, you can catch another colleague's eye at the same time kind of going "oh this guy, am I right"
2. make sure you're too busy to engage, I don't know what kind of work you do but you can shut it down quite effectively by saying something like "Absolutely. Now I'm just going to put in that stationery order/speak to the boss about Tuesday/check whether the orders have come in/pop out - does anyone want anything?" That way he just looks like a bit of a timewaster (which he is!)

"not like MistletoeHolly eh, Sandra? She always goes out drinking on the weekend)"
"Do I? That's good to know!"

"Did you have a good weekend?"
"Great thanks!" (Don't bother asking how his weekend was).

"What did you get up to on the weekend MostletoeHolly?"
"Oh, not a lot". (Don't elaborate, don't ask about them).

Just remove yourself a bit from the conversation.

This.

It's pretty obvious you're saying 'you have a girlfriend, stop it' by doing this.

He will look bad if he keeps flirting with you.

This, or as near to it as you can get while remaining civil.

""oh I bet mistletoeholly had a good weekend?"
"Yes, thanks"

""not like MistletoeHolly eh, Sandra? She always goes out drinking on the weekend"
"Sometimes" [neutral tone]

Don't be afraid to raise with your manager if this 'banter' becomes inappropriate, which it sounds as though it's verging on.