Domestic abuse

[RoseM44]

I am in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I contacted women’s aid in the country where I live and they have suggested emergency shelter. I would have a bedroom and share facilities with the other women. This would be for 6-9 months until I got social housing.
I am so mixed up as to what to do as I wouldn’t be able to take my 2 older children 16 and 12 only the youngest. I would of course be able to see them.
My husband has no idea I’m thinking along these lines. He has admitted to having angry outbursts but it’s the switching from criticism to flattery. last night he said one day he’d throw the phone in my face. He says a lot of things I don’t think he even remembers half of
it but it has had a huge impact on my mental health.

Where would your older children go?

I understand that as a mother you can't leave without them.
But you're unsafe in this relationship. Staying is not an option either.
Could they stay somewhere else, somewhere safe? Do you have family who could take care of them for the time being?

Where are they proposing your 2 older children go then?

I understand that will make it harder to leave.

I am sorry you are in an abusive relationship and it is important for you to get out of there as quickly as possible

The only option is they stay in the house I can see them when I want but if I go into sheltered housing I can’t come back to the house but they can come and visit me

No, that's not an option for you, OP.

Can you speak to the housing officer at your local council?

He doesn't forget what he says. He just wants you to believe he forgets it. Abusers like to do this. It's part of gaslighting.

Do you work at all?
Any possibility you could rent a small flat? Even if it's just 1 bedroom. That way your older kids could also escape him from time to time.

That being said, the fact that an emergency shelter has been suggested, probably means they think you should leave ASAP. Could you go for a bit and then look into renting?

Speak with a solicitor ASAP regarding divorcing him. Also look into getting proof of his earnings for child support services in future, before letting on you are leaving...eg...if there's any wage slips lying around.

Once you get your share in the divorce you may find that makes renting somewhere possible. If not before. Look into the benefits you are entitled to.

Focus on getting safe and getting the kids somewhere safe to be too (you don't need full custody but they need an environment they can visit for days at a time that is totally free of him).

Be careful to not be followed when returning to the social housing. I know the thought of sharing could be off putting but...you might make new, life long friends. And it'll be good to meet others who know what you've been through. So I wouldn't let yourself be put off regarding sharing a bathroom or even a room.

You can report him to the police if he hurts you and he should be arrested and bailed for 28 days that will allow you to file a non molestation order and occupation order on the house.
Going to a refuge and leaving your two kids can't be a realistic option for emotional abuse.