Narcissists are my favourite subject right now.

[sugarpops]

I know it's a term thrown about a lot but fucking hell....I married one.

Just about to start the divorce process - once my legal aid is processed.

He's busy with his new supply after making me convince him for the last months of our marriage that I wasn't cheating on him.

I feel free yet numb!

Anyone else married a narcissist?

I've just come out of a 30 year marriage to a borderline psychopathic narcissist.
I'm happy to chat about it. I can talk for HOURS on the subject but try not to bore my friends and family too much

I had a 2 year relationship with one who would get a first class honours degree in gaslighting.

Lockdown actually saved me as being separated for 3 months made the reality of him hit me like a thunderbolt and finally make the clean break.

Obviously he’s tried to hoover me several times since - and told everyone I was the one who wanted him back - but I went NC after a few months and it’s best thing I ever did.

There's so much helpful advice out there to help make sense of it all.

The trauma bond is real. I feel addicted to him. It's not feelings of love. It's that I've been conditioned to make him happy in order to feel safe. I can't seem to shake that.

Yet I can see the reality. I can see who he is. I see right through him. I've figured him out to know what's coming next.

Yet right now I know he's currently at his new supply's home worming his way in as he has no where to live. And I feel free. Slightly hurt but free.

The being conditioned to make him happy to feel safe is so true.
I still feel that to a point. (I'm 18 months out of the relationship, divorce was final in July.)
I'm moving into my new house tomorrow. All mine, he doesn't own it, has never set foot in it, not full of his junk, and cloud if doom. I'm so determined for it to be a happy house not stepping on eggshells.
But I find it hard not to wonder what tale he is spinning his new woman. My ex went to prison for setting fire to the house to punish me for trying to leave him. I'm sure I'm the crazy ex who had him sent to prison. He posts all over local FB groups with community minded info. Like he wasn't the cause for a strange spike in violent crime in our tiny peaceful village last year.

I am in the process of divorcing someone who I think has strong traits of an NPD. Could never be wrong. Only apologised once in 13 years, really. Convinces people he's a mysterious rebel with depth. In fact, he is an alcoholic who hasn't worked for well over a decade. Very controlling with money. Always accused me of cheating, yet I discovered he'd been having an affair for many years.

I also previously had an extremely traumatic relationship with a textbook narcissist. Truly awful person. It scars you.

Both my parents are. So I’m nc and "disowned" by both to boot. You learn to rely on yourself very quickly after years of coping with it and then they finally really cross the line. I consider that a get out of jail free card. They go so far that you can choose to opt out and life is so much easier without that weight.

@hoobanoobie I felt very similar about by ex. It was a long marriage, the last 15 years of which were definitely awful. I've been emotionally single and self reliant for years. When he set fire to our house and was sent to prison, that was my opportunity to get free. I was in control of the house, wasn't having to listen to his endless moaning and criticisms. The liberation is amazing.

I grew up with one, have been NC for years and my life is infinitely better for it.

I'm glad we can all see that it is much more beneficial to be without them.

I am slowly starting to feel content - what I always wanted. There's something about being by at home with just me and my dc and knowing he isn't going to walk through the door. Even if the kids are at each others throats arguing and I'm having the worst day ever. He was no support to me at all ever, only ever made things worse.

I'm scared to feel content though. Incase he tries to ruin it. I'm still on high alert thinking 'what's next?'

I had a hoover from my ex yesterday. He sent me a song and then a message about a shared experience of ours. Luckily, I’m at the stage where I can see what he’s doing. It’s almost funny how predictable and boring he is. I assume he’s having issues with his new supply. In fact, he must be, because he’s in the relationship and creates problems out of nothing.

I wish you luck and peace. It gets easier. You sound strong and brave.