Marriage ending with a fizzle, not bang

[Phunkychicken]

I have come to the conclusion the past few days I think our marriage is on the rocks. No screaming rows, no affairs, just slowly drifting. I feel like no one sees me as a person, just for my role/what I do.

We have sex relatively often, but it's enjoy, I feel like DH is doing it cos it's sex, not me. It basically feels like he's checked out.

Anyone else's relationship end like this? And once we're at this stage can it be recovered? I absolutely don't want to force his hand, I will maintain my dignity at all costs.

My husband is the same, the checking out bloody hurts. Im at a loss of do I stay or go?

I think this happens a lot and it takes some time for women to notice this and even longer to accept it.

Sorry it's not only me. I've been really upset all day, obviously so, and he's not asked me at all what's up, either ignored me or tried to chatter b^llocks at me like it's all fine. And it's so so not.

The other night we started kissing etc in bed. 30 minutes he may there letting me stroke etc him, didn't try and kiss me or reciprocate at all. I then burst into tears and said I was stopping and he was all sorry, but you just don't do that.

I think I've just realised I've been spending money/time trying to get him to notice me and I'm not doing it any more. It's making me feel worse when he doesn't.

We can't split though, for now, so f*ck knows how this will play out

When you say no one sees me as a person. Who else doesn’t?

I feel like the challenge with marriage is to have to weather protea periods where you need to relearn your partner and fall in love with them to sustain the relationship.

We have done that abed weathered dinner really shitty storms.

I came to bed at 9-30, he was downstairs. He came up 2 hours later stinking of wine. He wasn't drinking when I was up. That's not the behaviour of someone who is happy

How long have you been together and has this been only a more recent problem?

He’s taking you for granted from sound of it and it’s all take and no give from him. Regular sex but you can’t enjoy it if you don’t feel that he’s really into it and just doing it to keep the peace.

23 years. Married 20. And he gets off on sex but not cos it's me, he gets turned on by how he looks to me, not I too him.

I'm utterly effed. He's sparko next to me and I can't stop crying. And Idon't want to initiate the conversation as then it's me being the bad guy. He's weak and sunny bring it up. But it's the least I deserve

You need to talk things through with him or it won’t change, you deserve better and he can’t see past his own needs.

You’re not there to just get him off, he should want you and to please you too. You say you spent 30 mins giving him a handjob but then he just rolled over and didn’t even occur to him to do anything for you?

No, he was horrified when I pointed it out though and said he didn't mean it like that at all. He didn't know what came over him.

I am a fool

Pm me if want to talk things through

You’re no fool though, you’ve just been letting him get away with not treating you as he should because you care about him and the relationship so much

My marriage fizzled, no big breakup really, and my now dp was similar, long marriages just had enough.

My relationship with dp is much different, 4 years on and it's still fresh as anything

Hugs girl, I just found out my fiance isn’t attracted to me any more (he’s finally admitted it this morning) and I’ve had similar in bed where im doing all the work and he just lays there thinking about other women with his eyes shut.
I don’t personally think there’s any comeback when the spark is gone but sadly it seems it’s more his lack of trying than yours.
I would have a word with him and see if he is willing to try but make it clear that you are at breaking point if not.

That’s horrible, he’s literally said that he isn’t attracted to you anymore. Has he said he still wants to stay together?

He’s happy for you to put all the work in though and get his kicks whilst giving you nothing back?

Well we have talked, he was horrified, teary, loves me more than anything etc etc. Proof will be in the pudding

Good to hear you’ve talked things through but you don’t sound quite so convinced?

Was he genuinely sorry or more because you’ve called him out on it

He honestly did seem genuinely horrified - I am not sure that he can actually see why but he's horrified I've been feeling like that. So that's why I'm not convinced as until he can see WHY nothing will change, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt . .

Think a lot of marriages end because people drift apart - no cheating or abuse but life goals become different. Happened to me - still get on well with the ex but it's done. Kids moving out often precipitates this sort of thing

I think it's harder to move on from this as well. If someone has been serially unfaithful or nasty it's easier to say that's done.

Took me a few years to venture out again but just had a first date with a wonderful woman who I am seeing again this weekend. Life has its spark back all of a sudden

Did you guys try counseling or psychotherapy?

If not please do.

No - we haven't, but I think this is the jist of it - he's lost both parents within a short space (his dad this summer) and has no siblings so this is it - I think this has taken it's toll on him and thus the way he's interacting with me. He said he's feeling low, I've said he needs to explore what's going on within him as it's impacting more than just he thinks - and our relationship won't be fixed until he works on himself.

He took it in good grace and apologised, but it's action I need not words. We'll see

Thank you for your reply@Phunkychicken .

Give some space.

Get back to dating where you both spoke all under the sun without expectations.

Bereavement will always have deep traumatic impact on every aspect of a man's life.

I believe you both can be a magic together.

How is sex in bed going on?I

Is it creative or just mechanical?

Both putting efforts?