People don't like me, I don't really like me/know me!!

[peopledontlikeme]

I feel like I don’t really know who I am and kind of morph into my surroundings, I find it really hard to form my own opinions on things and will read things and agree with them but can’t seem to form those thoughts in my own head. I just feel like I lack confidence in myself and feel nothingy - like I don’t have my own personality, thoughts, opinions and just sort of exist. This is definitely holding me back at work, and in my life. Has anyone ever felt like this? How do you move past it? I feel like people don't really warm to me and I get why.

You sound like a very insightful individual regarding yourself.

Have you ever been assessed for autism? I ask as it reminds me of my friends sister who is capable of understanding arguments but not so much forming her own opinions on them. It's like ...they are cars that drive through her mind whilst being discussed but you can tell they aren't really pausing there. If that makes any sense.

So I just wonder if something similar could be going on with you.

How are you with visualisation in general? Do you daydream?

The reason I ask about visualisation btw, is that some people cannot for example, shut their eyes in a room and imagine what it the room looks like in their head. They also cannot visualise places they've been in the past.

Similarly, some people do not have an internal monologue. So when they read something, it makes sense but they maybe can't think in words in their head about it afterwards in terms of how they would word their opinion on it. There was a YouTube video with a girl that had this and she found she could write out her arguments regarding a topic and the words would just come. But she couldn't just stand around thinking about how she thought about a particular cause.

So those may be other possibilities if these sound familiar. Probably less common though.

I mean other options could include depression (understanding situations but just not feeling them or caring as you are depressed). Or maybe just not being the sharpest tool in the shed (which I doubt because you sound like you are very self aware and usually that requires a good deal of intelligence).

Ultimately, there no way for us to know. I'd see your gp and take it from there.

I'm very much like this myself, feel like I morph into surroundings and like I don't know myself at all! Do you change opinions quickly based on who you're with and what you read? Do you feel like a different person a lot?
I have been told by a psychotherapist that I have borderline personality disorder and I'm currently on a waiting list for ADHD. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

How is it holding you back, specifically?

OP, l think this sounds like a lack of confidence and self esteem. Whilst you were growing up what were things like for you? Were you encouraged to express yourself and share your views or were you mostly ignored and overlooked? What about hobbies or interests, is there anything you enjoy and / or feel strongly about? As a starting point finding an interest or passion can definitely help you to form thoughts and opinions.

Your post has really resonated with me! I feel like I don't really have a 'personality'. I have personality traits and likes/dislikes but not to the extent others do. I mould myself depending on who I'm with. I think I'm a very forgettable / overlooked kind of personality. Nothing really of substance - I would wonder what people would say about me in my eulogy if I died tomorrow...

I think I have been this person in the past and for me, I believe that my upbringing has a fair bit to do with it- I was kind of told what I thought, if that makes sense, and I wasn't expected to disagree at home so I have confused disagreeing with someone and insulting them- like, they might stop liking me if I don't share all their opinions. I've had to really make an effort to practice thinking for myself and articulating my own thoughts and it is great. People actually seem to feel like they know me now. It is completely possible to change OP!

I felt like this until very recently. Then I was diagnosed with autism as an adult and started to reflect on things that happened in my childhood and it’s like a light switched on and I suddenly realised I could have opinions and not suppress the real me - I’m still working out who she is but I spent such a long time pretending to be somebody else who I thought was more acceptable that I lost me. Wishing you luck with working out whatever is going on for you.