Can you suddenly fall out of love or can anxiety make you think this?

[PuD19]

I'm a man (age 32) and have been with my fiancee for seven years, we have 2 beautiful kids who we adore. For all my life I've had anxiety and OCD for sure. I question everything - including my love for my partner. Over the years I've questioned if I'm gay, evil, an abuser, among other things. But it disappeared for a very long time until last week when it suddenly popped into my head.

"Do you truly love her?"
"Why don't you 'feel' much when you think about it?"
"Is this a sign that it's nearly over?"
"If you left her, you're ruining your kids' lives, her life and your own"
Etc Etc Etc

It's exhausting and so frustrating. I'm very happy with our life and I know I love her - we only got engaged six months ago and I felt so certain about it. But I hate this voice that questions it. It makes me feel very panicked. She's the best person I've ever met. The idea of hurting her destroys me. I just want to be at peace within myself but right now I feel so meh. She knows about all of this and we communicate. She thinks it's my anxiety. Just over a week ago I felt great!

Is this just my anxiety? Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

If you think you have a health problem then you need to see a GP. They might be able to clear this up very easy with a small dose of medication- keep trying the many medications until you find the one that works for you. If you've tried some, then go back and try others. If need be they will refer you to a consultant.

There are also all sorts of therapies that could be helpful.

You don't have to accept this as just the way it is, and you shouldn't. It won't be the most constructive thing for your partner and relationship.

This is more than anxiety OP. This is intrusive thoughts. Agree professional mental health advice is what you need here.

By the way you've described the thought, and your emotional response, it sounds like an intrusive thought (which, as you'll know, is very common in OCD). Label the thought as an OCD spike and dismiss it. When it re-occurs (which it will), keep labelling and dismissing. Agreeing with the thought works for some (insomuch as it fools your mental process); essentially use whatever response works to prevent you progressing to rumination.

You're never going to do as well trying to somehow fix it all by yourself as you will if you seek evidence based help.

Posting here is reassurance seeking and won’t be helpful to you, get in touch with an OCD specialist therapist! There are some good podcasts on ROCD in the meantime. Get on it straight away before you’re tempted to start asking your partner herself for reassurance that you love her coz that’s not fair.

Anxiety therapies are all based upon self help (CBT and such like). The OP will wait a long time (possibly years) to see a clinician in the NHS for therapy - there is absolutely nothing wrong with the OP taking ownership of addressing their anxiety issues in the meantime.
I don't think mumsnet is the best place though tbf for such advice, somewhere like nomorepanic would be best.

There is a type of OCD called pure O I think that is intrusive thoughts and thinking terrible things at times. Bryony Gordon has it and talks about it often.

Anxiety therapies are all based upon self help (CBT and such like). The OP will wait a long time (possibly years) to see a clinician in the NHS for therapy - there is absolutely nothing wrong with the OP taking ownership of addressing their anxiety issues in the meantime.

Not necessarily all based on self help, also it's good to have some professional guidance while learning and using a technique. Yes he can do some stuff on his own but he should also access as much professional help as possible, including medication if his GP advises that. And he can get on the list for therapy with the NHS, no harm in getting on the list. The GP etc might also suggest the best self help resources and techniques to use.

He could also get evidence based private therapy if he can afford to prioritise that. I did it for quite a while for various things and it meant I couldn't afford much else, but it was 100% worth it.

A decent therapist would also help decide the best therapy for OP to try first.

Thanks @porridgeisbae

I will look into therapy. I've done it in the past and it does help. I need to be more consistent with it, though.

@PuD19 I would see your GP too though, seriously. A combination of therapy and meds often has the best outcome with something like this.