Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner begging me to stay

12 replies

surfermammax · 23/11/2023 10:52

I've decided enough is enough and decided to split up with my partner. We have a beautiful 2.5 year old wee boy. Over the years he has been chipping away at my confidence , not emotionally supportive and he is a misery to be around a lot of the time. We don't laugh together ,we don't have chats together and they don't feel natural when we do. He works offshore and I work part time and look after our son while he's away, and when he comes home he constantly criticises me for the way I parent our son ( e.g i sometimes let him sleep with me), I don't shut doors, I don't do this right, I don't do that right..

I started noticing that I find it hard to talk to people in social situations. I recently joined my local coastguard team and I find when I speak up my hands shake and my face goes red when i'm put on the spot.I'm a shell of the person I was socially.

I tried to leave a year ago, but he begged and we tied to make it work for our wee boy. A year on and i'm miserable. He's begging me to stay, saying he can't live without me, im breaking our family apart , his only purpose in life is me and our son. He's getting sent home early from offshore tomorrow and Im genuinely worried about him coming home and emotionally blackmailing me to stay.

I'm scared , miserable but also i feel relieved knowing that I won't have to be with him anymore. I will not cave in.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 23/11/2023 11:17

Good for you! You've tried, he's continued to be an arse, you no longer want to be with him as a result.

If he gets nasty get out or ring the Police if he's remotely threatening.

Good luck to you!

BMW6 · 23/11/2023 11:20

PS
Your child will have a much better upbringing without witnessing his Mum being demeaned by his Dad.

That's a really crap role model. Was his Dad the same to his Mum? If so doesn't he want better for his own son?

Pumpkinpie1 · 23/11/2023 11:22

Could you have a family member come and support you OP ? Have you spoken to them about what’s happening x

Garlicnaan · 23/11/2023 12:08

This sounds absolutely miserable.

Mackeroo · 23/11/2023 12:16

Don't cave in OP, it's likely the emotional blackmail will escalate. Do you have safety concerns- is there anywhere you and your son can go and stay or anyone who can stay with you?

Original poster
surfermammax · 23/11/2023 12:33

Garlicnaan · 23/11/2023 12:08

This sounds absolutely miserable.

Honestly it truly is. I kept thinking this can't be my life forever. I'm well and truly done.

OP posts:
Original poster
surfermammax · 23/11/2023 12:35

Mackeroo · 23/11/2023 12:16

Don't cave in OP, it's likely the emotional blackmail will escalate. Do you have safety concerns- is there anywhere you and your son can go and stay or anyone who can stay with you?

I've got a lot of good friends who are going to help me pack up and go, but my parents will be angry I think. They really like him, he is very practical and good at house work etc and he is a good dad. However they don't see what it's like to live with him. I said to my dad a couple months ago that he sucks my soul out some days and my dad said " this is normal in relationships, you get sick of each other sometimes". I'm worried about their reaction but hope the they will support me. My sister is very supportive thankfully

OP posts:
Original poster
surfermammax · 23/11/2023 12:37

BMW6 · 23/11/2023 11:20

PS
Your child will have a much better upbringing without witnessing his Mum being demeaned by his Dad.

That's a really crap role model. Was his Dad the same to his Mum? If so doesn't he want better for his own son?

He hardly speaks about his upbringing, but his mum is exactly like this. She puts people down, she moans and is always a misery to be around too. I think it's his mum he gets it from if i'm honest. Thank you so much for the reply, I'll definitely ring the police if he gets violent or threatening. His words right now worry me

OP posts:
Original poster
surfermammax · 23/11/2023 12:37

Pumpkinpie1 · 23/11/2023 11:22

Could you have a family member come and support you OP ? Have you spoken to them about what’s happening x

I have spoken to my sister and my friends but not my parents yet. They dote on him honestly. I'm terrified of their reaction

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 23/11/2023 12:41

"we will co-parent. I'm know you wouldn't want your daughter to be in an unhappy living situation. " Repeat ad infinitum.

SmokeyToo · 23/11/2023 12:43

It's a horrible position to be in, OP. I felt exactly the same way with my ex husband. After 11 years together, I was a shadow of my former self - constant emotional abuse from him had stripped away everything I once was and left almost nothing of who I once was. I eventually was only able to leave because I asked my parents for financial assistance and they agreed to help me. It took ten years for me to get myself back, through much therapy and self analysis. I used to get SO excited when I'd catch myself saying something like the old me, I'd literally say out loud, "Oh my God, that was ME!"

Good luck, don't cave in and always tell yourself that you deserve a happy and peaceful life.

BMW6 · 23/11/2023 13:01

As for your parents - tell them they have no idea what he is like behind closed doors.
Don't take any shit from them either. Find your fury and use it.

If you told your DH that he behaves as badly as his mum did/does do you think it would hit home?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page