Becoming a SAHM?

JollyHostess101 · 2023-11-23T08:14:08+00:00

So it’s looks like reorganisation at work I could take voluntary redundancy…… I always said if it came out while I was on maternity I’d go as 2 x shift workers and childcare will be a minefield! So if I decided to go what do I need to consider? I’ve heard loads about paying into my pension…… Have you done it? Has it changed your relationship? Did you miss work? Any pitfalls I should know about early doors?

Yahyahs22 · 23/11/2023 08:19

I did it and it was and is the best decision I've ever made. Being there fully for my 3 and 1 year old is worth all the times I've missed work. I found I only missed work when I was having an extremely stressful day.
It can get quite lonely so make sure you create a good network and have activities to look forward to.i wouldn't change a thing though

tescocreditcard · 23/11/2023 08:21

I did it and was glad I was there for my kids it made life a lot more stress free.

I have to work till I'm 67 so I figured a couple of yours out of the workplace wasn't gonna make that much difference in the end.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/11/2023 08:21

Are you married? This is the most important consideration.

DustyLee123 · 23/11/2023 08:22

I did it due to DH’s work. The only thing I’d wish I’d done was to have DH pay into a private pension for me.

martha4clark · 23/11/2023 08:24

I loved it; felt it was an important thing to do. You do find a way to get back into the workplace later; I went back to work when my kids were at high school.

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 08:24

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/11/2023 08:21

Are you married? This is the most important consideration.

Yes we are? Why’s it so important does it make a difference?

We don’t really have a network in London so hoping to relocate with DH’s job so will definitely put down roots wherever we end up!!

OP posts:

WakingCliche · 23/11/2023 08:27

You need a pension still being paid in to.
The risk is losing access to your own money or if the relationship goes wrong. I’m assuming it’s your first child the biggest risk to a woman for a relationship to go wrong on many levels is on marriage or having a first child.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/11/2023 08:29

Being married will give you legal rights over your husbands assets/pension that you wouldn’t have if you’re unmarried.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/11/2023 08:30

Pension.

Day-to-day finances - will you have money for going out, buying a coffee etc without having to ask constantly and will it be fair in comparison to your Dh’s access to cash and not begrudged.

Housework - will it still be split or will you be expected to do it all?

Free time - when will you get some or will it end up being viewed that “you’re home all day”?

Im a SAHM. We have equal personal spends, my pension is paid into and I’m not the 24/7 parent and housework person. We’re still a couple who split the work. It’s just that I do all the day time stuff now.

WakingCliche · 23/11/2023 08:30

If you were not married and broke up unless everything was in joint names you could get nothing at all. Imagine a couple together for 20 years but just his name on the mortgage, when a break up takes place that women would be entitled to nothing from the house.

BullAndDoring · 23/11/2023 08:35

State pension! Don't miss those years - claim child benefit for this purpose. If your DH earns over the threshold, I believe you can still register for child benefit but not actually claim the benefit as such, but still claim the state pension credits.

Not sure I've explained thus properly

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 08:53

Thanks Everyone

Our situation is kind of unique as our accommodation comes with DH’s job so we are lucky we have limited outgoings but it does come with long hours and plans changing at last minute some weeks to cover shortfalls etc! So with me doing shift work too I’ve always known childcare would be a minefield!!

My father passed away just after having our baby so have inherited his house which DH was fussed over being put in his name too (thought it was weird at the time but haven’t got to that stage yet so parked the discussion) but maybe I should keep it in my name after all…… But not sure if this would make a difference?!

If your a SAHM what does your day look like?

OP posts:

Ffsnotaconference · 23/11/2023 09:07

Why would you want to keep it in your name? What would that achieve?

You are right and if you divorce all your assets are joint. But what advantage did you think you might have by keeping it your own name?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/11/2023 09:10

As this is a relationships page you will get appt of advice from people who have been shafted !

but the fact your H wants the house in his name also means he’s maybe more savvy about this than you are !?

but listen to the advice

I’d never quit work without clarity on all the things people mention here

pensions
child benefits
the inherited property (which could be an income stream ?)
and how you manage day to day spending
do you save the redundancy ? Or use to fund maternity leave

being there for this kids is wonderful
but knoweldge is power

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 09:10

Ffsnotaconference · 23/11/2023 09:07

Why would you want to keep it in your name? What would that achieve?

You are right and if you divorce all your assets are joint. But what advantage did you think you might have by keeping it your own name?

I don’t know…. DH just said when we went to the solicitor he wasn’t bothered with it being in his name too as it was my Mum and Dads house 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 09:12

Sorry my original posted should have said DH wasn’t fussed with it being in his name….. massive critical typo 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

PinkRoses1245 · 23/11/2023 09:23

Only if you're married, all income is pooled and you have full access, and out of this money, you have some paid into your pension. And your DH has income protection which includes cover for redundancy and serious illness. It's risky only have one source of income, and the longer you have out of work, the harder to go back. It would make it difficult if you divorced. I am being 'worst case' because I've seen SAHM friends really get stung in divorces. I would really consider keeping something going aside from parenting, even if voluntary.

Premfove · 23/11/2023 12:12

It can be a wonderful thing for children but only if you protect yourself financially. I did it for seven years but my husband has his own company so he put me on the books so I paid tax/pension contributions all along. We also owned our house outright so if it all fell apart I would still have a steady roof over my children's heads. I also studied throughout to keep my skills up to date. It's a relatively easy life once they're out of the early baby/toddler days but can be very dull. I personally would have preferred to work (for me) but I knew it would be good for my DC and family life would run much smoother, as my DH works all hours and has to travel all the time.

So even though it was boring and frustrating at times, I'm glad I stuck it out. My children utterly thrived and are sailing through school and I'm back at work now with no problems re-entering the workforce and life is pretty sweet! So if you find the days long (perhaps you won't though as some women love it?) but if you do I would say think of the long term benefits to the DC and stick with it once you've protected your own long term interests too.

Good luck!

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 21:07

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/11/2023 08:30

Pension.

Day-to-day finances - will you have money for going out, buying a coffee etc without having to ask constantly and will it be fair in comparison to your Dh’s access to cash and not begrudged.

Housework - will it still be split or will you be expected to do it all?

Free time - when will you get some or will it end up being viewed that “you’re home all day”?

Im a SAHM. We have equal personal spends, my pension is paid into and I’m not the 24/7 parent and housework person. We’re still a couple who split the work. It’s just that I do all the day time stuff now.

thank you for this- all points to discuss before deciding!!

OP posts:

Original poster

JollyHostess101 · 23/11/2023 21:09

Premfove · 23/11/2023 12:12

It can be a wonderful thing for children but only if you protect yourself financially. I did it for seven years but my husband has his own company so he put me on the books so I paid tax/pension contributions all along. We also owned our house outright so if it all fell apart I would still have a steady roof over my children's heads. I also studied throughout to keep my skills up to date. It's a relatively easy life once they're out of the early baby/toddler days but can be very dull. I personally would have preferred to work (for me) but I knew it would be good for my DC and family life would run much smoother, as my DH works all hours and has to travel all the time.

So even though it was boring and frustrating at times, I'm glad I stuck it out. My children utterly thrived and are sailing through school and I'm back at work now with no problems re-entering the workforce and life is pretty sweet! So if you find the days long (perhaps you won't though as some women love it?) but if you do I would say think of the long term benefits to the DC and stick with it once you've protected your own long term interests too.

Good luck!

Thank you!!

De food for thought!!

OP posts: