Dating apps

[Bananachip2023]

Hi, I have recently met someone on an app. He seemed nice initially and we exchanged messages on WhatsApp. He then invited me for dinner (he said he is travelling for a week) and we set a date for our dinner . We never talked on the phone but he keeps sending me messages three times a day with “good morning”, etc and messages with hearts and calling me honey. I feel it’s unnatural and don’t really want to meet him anymore. Is this behavior unnatural or is it me?

When I was last doing OLD, I chatted for a while with a man who would do that, and call me “beautiful” and “luv” etc. I’d never met him and that put me right off him. It made me uncomfortable and so I decided not to meet him at all. It felt like he was trying to create a false closeness between us.

That’s exactly how I feel. I had to ask him to stop calling me “honey” as he hasn’t event met me yet. And then he keeps sending me kiss emojis and silly cute pictures and that really puts me off meeting him

No it sounds like love bombing, he's going to fast and it's clearly making you feel uncomfortable and that's totally understandable. my be best to give him a wide bearth in my opinion

Oh thanks. It does definitely make me uncomfortable. I could not understand if it’s me (haven’t dated anyone in a while) or them

I agree with @Blueeyedmale , I wouldn’t meet him if I was you. You’ve already asked him to stop with the pet names and he’s continuing.

Thank you! I feel so relieved not having to meet him now. I would rather have a quick call to see if we vibe on the phone at least than having to meet someone so unnatural for dinner

Go with your gut feeling. I did online dating for over 3 years and what I did after chatting with someone on the app I would have a phone call with them as that then gave me an idea if I wanted to meet him face to face. Lots of times men who I thought were nice on our chats turned out to be weird/boring on the call. This actually helped with my now DH as his online dating profile wasn't anything special, our chatting was ok but when we spoke over the phone we right away had a natural flow between us. Having these pre-meeting phone conversations kept me safe too as one guy sounded normal until we spoke and gosh he had some serious issues and for the first time I was actually scared.

@Olika it’s definitely easier to sense the vibe over a call. Men who don’t initiate a call within a week are strange.. which so another red flag.

I don’t blame you OP. I hate when men call you pet names or gorgeous sexy etc before you’ve even met.

I did get told some men do it coz they’re sending the same message to several women and they don’t need to remember the names.

But yes definitely a phone call before meeting helps you get a better feel as to how genuine they are. It’s not foolproof - I’ve got on well with men on phone before and they turned out to be idiots - but it helps I think

@SamW98 that’s exactly what I thought.. he could be sending “good morning❤️😘” to several girls at the same time..
I have been out of the dating game for so long.. my only other date via an app was with someone who was great on the phone but wanted to get into bed after date 1.. 😂

@Bananachip2023

I hadn’t dated since the early 90’s so I didn’t have a clue 🤣

Ive been doing OLD on and off most of this year and men wanting sex after about 10 minutes is very common but you do get better at spotting them

@SamW98 me neither.. OLD really devalues relationships.. men used to click for sex.. easy

I never meet anyone without talking on the phone first saves a lot of time and that was pre being a mum when I actually had free time!

@Unexpectedlysinglemum that’s the right way to go about it. I found it strange he didn’t try to initiate a call.. he could as well be married and texting in the bathroom

@SamW98 Do you have any tips for what to look for if a man on OLD is actually looking for a relationship v just looking to hook up? How best to screen?

Could be a romance scam? Have you googled his pictures?

@LucyvanderPelt

It’s not always but I find when men try to turn the chat sexual very quickly that’s a red flag for me.

I ask upfront now what they’re looking for. It saves me asking time if you want different things.

Yes, I found him on social media😛..

I never have dinner for the first date. I find it too formal plus eating interrupts the flow of chat.

I would say just arrange a drink or a coffee as first date so there’s more chance to talk properly and then go from there.