Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this normal post baby

5 replies

NC457 · 22/11/2023 19:01

So some of you may recall me from a previous post about relationship issues a couple of months ago, when I saw messages sent by my partner to a friend describing me as a weak person, and saying he wishes he was single etc. Things improved slightly for a wee while and he apologised etc, then kept getting quick to anger still and taking it out on me. I said if things didn't improve that I would be ending the relationship (every night he was getting angry when I asked him to change baby or feed baby etc) and things have been miles better, he's been really supportive and helpful for a couple of weeks until yesterday.

I work from home (run my own business and its very flexible but do have to work most of day), and when he came home he was angry that dirty dishes were not on the side of the sink and in the sink instead, and that the bin hadn't been taken out. I do majority of housework and I am the main earner. It erupted into a much bigger argument over text and ended with him saying he was done with me. I asked whether he meant the relationship or the conversation, and he read the message and did not respond. Is now saying he meant the conversation but was quite happy for me to wonder either way and be upset until we saw each other.

When I stood up for myself and said that I am exhausted and really busy and just want some empathy and understanding if I don't manage to do something, he told me to grow up, and then sent this:

"You asked me why I was so angry and I told you. I explained that it's because you keep turning to the same old tired irrelevant crap. I've not asked you to do anything extra or anything that would take up more of your time. You've made it abundantly clear you've not taken anything I've said onboard so I'm done with you"

More a rant, but i guess I'm curious if anyone else has experienced stuff like this since having a baby. It feels really unhealthy and I don't want the wee one growing up with us like this.

OP posts:
letspopthekettleon · 22/11/2023 19:05

What does he do all day? Does he do his fair share of the household jobs and childcare? Just trying to get more context. He sounds very angry and thus unkind in his message

category12 · 22/11/2023 19:15

What's the benefit of being in this very unequal relationship with an angry disrespectful man?

You do more at home, you do most of the childcare, you're the main breadwinner as well and you're* *the emotional punchbag?

I mean, if he was the great traditional provider I could at least see some logic in it, but this, really?

NC457 · 22/11/2023 19:18

He works full time as well, and he is quite good at looking after baby for a couple of hours in evening but I do majority of childcare due to working from home, and I do the majority of the housework. When I ask him to clean bathroom and put clothes away he says no because it is not important for him to have those things done. Because it's important to me, guess who ends up doing it

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/11/2023 19:22

This is an unequal struggle and he doesn't seem to respect you at all.
Looking after the baby in the evening is actually called parenting and a good husband and father would parent his child equally with the mother.

category12 · 22/11/2023 19:23

he says no because it is not important for him to have those things done

No, he says no because he thinks it's your job. Like cleaning dishes and putting the bin out.

You might be better off working outside of the home if that's his excuse for doing very little.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page