Tired of being treated with disrespect - am I overreacting?

[Lloyke94]

came home from school run and hung my coat on the back of one dining chair and neatly put my trainers at the floor by the chair. To be fair I have never done this before, everything goes back away in my room as soon as I am home however, dp was sleeping in bed before his shift and I didn’t want to disturb his sleep by going into the bedroom, equally I usually would put them in the dc bedroom for the interim but I just decided to leave them at the table until dp was awake and I could transfer them to my bedroom.

dp is awake, I am doing the dc homework with them and he is getting ready for work. He walks over to the table, picks up my coat off the dining chair and throws it on the floor…I instantly looked at him and told him not to do that, told him why couldn’t he just place it on the couch (literally within arms reach of him). It was the fact he treats my belongings as trash, knowing if I dared do that to his ‘precious’ things he’d go mad.

he responded by telling me why would I leave them at the table/why haven’t I put them in the room etc. I tried to explain to him that I didn’t want to disturb him sleeping (as any other time he’d moan not to disturb him when he’s napping) and he cut me off and said it’s because I’m ‘fucking lazy’. Baring in mind I am sitting doing homework with the dc, this made me furious!

i ended up shouting at him not to talk to me like that, which I regret but I am fed up with the constant disrespect for me, my belongings, the way I’m treated. It is basic decency and respect to treat others, especially family members/partners with respect. What was the need to throw my coat on the floor? If I put any of his clothes on the floor he’d have a big meltdown about it, as his things seem to be so precious but mine can get dirty/not important etc.

he went off to work, I was absolutely fuming and I have just received a text from him saying ‘sorry about that. I love you really’. There is no way I will just accept this apology! It’s not acceptable to treat people like this or to insult me!

am I overreacting?

Jesus, I'd not have that. Leave him and stop walking on egg shells in your own home.

Op your not overreacting but next time definitely disturb him. He's being a knob.

You are definitely not over-reacting op.

Does he have a history of this sort of thing op or is this a one off? (Even so to drop your coat on the floor is an obnoxious thing to do.)

And to call you fucking lazy in front of the dc is unforgivable really.

Is he under financial stress or something? Even so, it’s totally unacceptable to take out your worries on your spouse like this.

I wouldn’t be accepting that lame apology either.

There is no universe I can imagine where a coat over the back of a chair would warrant that reaction.

No, this is very typical behaviour of him, very arrogant/self centred as if he or his things are better than anyone else/me.

it is not the specific ‘coat on chair’ that’s the issue, as you can tell. Something so simple as that will blow up into a big deal with him.

Your poor kids.

I couldn't live like that.

Please find the strength to live the way you want to.

This is the third or fourth thread I've read today on a similar theme, i.e. women being treated like skivvies and worse than dirt by their "man". Honestly, it is simply appalling what goes on in some homes.

Poor you, he's an arsehole.
He's got a massive sense of entitlement and would pick a fight in a phone box.
Horrid.

No and tbh life is to short to live with someone like that

It's incredibly depressing isn't it?

Vile. Why are you with him... why are you accepting this behaviour in front of your child?

Good Lord no, you are not overreacting! I’ve had to live with this and it will leave your nerves fried. It’s a control thing and absolutely has no place in a healthy relationship. You must feel so let down by this, I’d be fuming too.

Wtaf?! No you are not overreacting! That's totally unacceptable and the fact that he has you questioning whether you're overreacting or not is even worse. What a nob! You and your kid deserve so much better than that, not to mention the double insult of a pathetic apology.

You say this is typical behaviour from him, so you can either try talk to him about his treatment of you see if that helps, leave him so you don’t have to put up with that, or keep going in a cycle of his awful behaviour followed by an apology. As others have said it’s all about control

That’s really degrading for you. Your children were there.
Imagine seeing your father treat
your mother like that.

Bloody hell, there’s so many posts about angry and/or dangerous men, women need to set a higher standard for themselves and know their worth, these ‘men’ are not worth wasting any more time with, especially if there are children involved

Throwing a temper tantrum then texting an apology? Big no for me. It’s childish on every level. 1) he can help you pick things up around the house, even if its not his own personal belonging. If it really really bothers him that a jacket is continually left on a CHAIR then he can calmly tell you that it bothers him. 2) to resort to name calling after ANYTHING let alone something so small is unacceptable 3) he texted you “sorry” at work because he is childish and cant apologize in person like a big boy, and he doesn’t actually want to face the fact that he is in the wrong. Big no all around

@Lloyke94 lovely for your dc to see this - and live with it. How can stand to live this way?

Literally nothing wrong with what you did. He in the other hand was a complete wanker and deserved to be shouted at

Perfectly summed up.

Your children are going to grow up with fuck all self esteem watching their mother accept being treated like this.

He is a total arsehole OP.

What are you able to do about it?