Gaslighting or passive aggressive or something else?

[miacarolina]

Is there a word/term in English for the following behavior: being rude/bitchy/passive-aggressive and then denying it? Not gaslighting exactly (more focusing on the convincing you it's not happening) but "being mean" + "you're just very sensitive/imagined it/seeing something that's not there"

I feel there is a term I just can't think of it and google isn't helping.

That is gaslighting. Making you question your boundaries and your expectations of how you should be treated.

@hotrocks84
Thanks for the reply.

I mean how to come back to the person about it.

Say for example person x disagrees with every single thing I say or do (mostly I suspect because it's me who says or does it). I say hey you are doing this, it's unnecessary/childish and I want you to stop. They say it's my imagination. Or not greeting me, or ignoring me, lots of small things.

How would you describe all these little childish behaviours used as a slight against someone purposely because they're easy to deny.

I've hit my limit with someone and I want to set boundaries.

Don't bother trying to come back to the person about it. Boundaries are what you will or won't do or accept, not trying to alter someone elses behaviour. You don't need to name it or explain it, it sounds like you have tried and they have purposefully wrong footed you.

Less said the better, decide what you're not/doing and follow through.

Given that they think they’re doing nothing wrong it may be that your fastest route to resolution is giving any further interaction a miss; accurately naming it isn’t going to stop it.

I’ve got a family member who also liked those little games, I went for loudly greeting them by name when they ignored me, and saying ‘that’s interesting, thanks’ then utterly disregarding whatever argumentative drivel they offered. Fight fire with fire. Seemed to really annoy them to the point they lost the notion for it 👍

It's a non-blood relation close family member that I have to work with. In a very small department. In a job I was first in. And am more qualified for. The joys!

Have previously tried setting boundaries and was told that they have nothing against me. Which is obviously untrue. But now I want to bring it to management as it obviously can't be resolved on my own. (Hence wanted the wording - officially documenting etc). I have my own record of the things over a period of a few months.

Ah okay, excellent you’ve kept a record. I’d say don’t editorialise, by which I mean, describe the behaviour but let them draw their own conclusions. Above all, keep it brief and factual. Tell them of any detrimental consequences, it’ll be more persuasive than any amount of armchair diagnosis. Don’t use the word ‘gas-lighting.’ The key is to make it a professional issue rather than an interpersonal one, depends on who your managers are but many are very keen to write this crap off as a ‘personality clash’ and let you get on with it.

Very roughly

‘Since Whatever date person Y has ceased to acknowledge me on entering the office in the morning. This is in contrast to her behaviour towards other staff members. Person Y frequently opposes my yadda orders or suggests alterations to blah documents, both of which are within my remit. On x date Y offered the following criticism of my work in situation ‘Z.’ This was inaccurate/in contravention of Whatever protocol/best practice. On X occasion this led to a situation where Something Bad occurred. This level of intervention does not seem warranted given my 176 years of experience.

I attempted to resolve this by discussion with Y on x date. Since there has been no improvement, I feel it is now time to bring this matter to your attention. I am happy to discuss further at your convenience.

Thanks,’

Thanks guys! This has helped a lot ❤

In the context you described it sounds to me more like bullying/picking on you.
They're not admitting it because no one is going to admit to acting like that in the workplace.