Does he really want to get married?

[TrashPanda22]

ive been with my partner 5 years now, we have discussed engagement for the past 3. he would always say when he has a good job with good money he will feel good enough to ask me to marry him. he has an amazing job now but still no ring, hes told me he wants to buy a house first and we have pleanty of time for all that but always talks about a stupid expensive car he cant wait to buy. im ready to be enaged now and hes clearley not i get so upsett about it. am i being silly. should i just wait longer? i feel llike its never going to happen.

He wants to do everything traditionally, but I bet he's shagging you outside of marriage.

He is probably a bit too young to make that decision about never having his own children plus the commitment of raising children that are not biologically his is a huge decision. His brain is only just reaching full maturity, it’s the same in men and women.

Plus the reality of being a young parent or stepparent means less money, so him wanting a car, it’s what he wants. Any relationship that makes your own life a bit harder means the decision to marry is much harder.

Marriage is outdated. He's been with you for five years, doesn't that convey his feelings enough?

I would agree. He has been with a woman who already has children and doesn't want any more from the age of 23. It sounds like a massive step. If he was my son, I'd be telling him to wait to be honest to see if it's what he really wanted. If you are happy and don't want children, why rush him into something he may not be sure about? Does your children's father have any involvemen? If nit, it's a big deal being half responsible financially and time wise for stepchildren and ruling out children of your own in the future is a massive deal.

Has he been a father figure to your children for 5 years? Since he was 23? He’s given his 20’s to a relationship where he has to organise himself around someone else’s children?
And now that he has money to enjoy himself, you want to lock him into marriage?

Has he been supporting you?

Im just wondering if he wants a bit of a chance to enjoy some of his youth. Personally I wouldn’t blame him.

we hve been together 5 years. were allot older in our minds than most 28-30 year olds. we have 3 children yes we are very happy. He is not "Dithering" at all.

Money is not an issue for us we are both finacially very lucky.

He is father to my children yes. He does not support me finacially i support myself. hes not a materialistic person. He is very mature for his age he has the mind set of someone in there late 30s to 40. hes told me he does want to marry me hes even recently metioned it in our 10 year plan. but said there is no rush as he wants to focus on a morgage first and other things

Well we arent religious soo....

Probably the nicest response i have had really. never thought of putting it that way to him really but you'r right im not getting any younger i want to enjoy a beautiful wedding while im still young.

You're 30 and you had three kids when you got together with this guy at age 25?

Children are from a previous relationship

Yeah, I got that. So your relationship with the father of three ended in your early 20s and you quickly got involved with a 23-year-old and .... turned him into your kids' father figure? I hate to say it but it's not surprising that he's having second thoughts. He never got to enjoy his youth.

Well that is very judgemental of you isnt it. Actually i was in a 7 year relationship with a very very abusive man unfortunatley and if you havent been in a situation like that you have no idea how terrifying and sole destroying that is. he had had a rough relationship before me too. the love was lost in my relationship a very long time before it ended (as im sure you could imagine) we found echother when we were broken, we stuck by eachother and meded our broken peices we learned to trust and love again we are now best friends and inseprable, its like we have known eachother our whole lives. There is allot of love in our relationship and support. I cant complain with my relationship i am very happy but i just feel undervalued that after many years of talking about marriage and how much we love eachother that i am still waiting for a ring. 3 years ago he told me "probably within the next year or so we will get enaged" because he said and still says its what he wants. But i am unsure why i am still waiting and its hurtfull

I am sorry to be harsh OP but if he wanted to marry you, he would have already or at last proposed / set a date. He is future faking you by keep mentioning it then not actually doing anything about it. The mortgage is a red herring, if it wasn't that he'd use something else as an excuse