What do I do ?

[Astara07]

So I'm in a bit of a situation with my partner.
We have been together for nearly 11 years, engaged 4 years. We have been on and off for the most of the relationship but always end up working things out..
So here's the thing.. we have a 6 year old boy together who I basically bring up on my own as his father works full time and I work part time.
So I have a few issues here I would like advice on ..
He has his own building business where he earns a few deal of money where as I work part time and earn enough to live day to day. I pay all of the bills in the house where as he only pays for food shopping.. I think this is unfair as he's earning 5× what I earn! I have asked him to contribute to the bills but he thinks I'm being unreasonable as he pays for our sons hobby (motocross) I understand this is an expensive sport but it was my partners choice to get our son into it and this does not mean he shouldn't pay for bills at home ! I also pay for things for our son out of my earnings but he chooses to ignore that.
The next thing..
We are currently living in a perfect place for my child to grow up, we have a big park and a field outside our door and my son loves it here! On the other hand my partner does not and wants to move to a different area where there is nothing for children to do there. I have spoken to my son about this and he got upset and said he doesn't want to move and neither do i ! By my partner is set on it. I told him me and our son don't want to and his reply was well il move on my own then.

I just feel at a loss and don't know what to do for the best.

sounds really tough, I’m sorry. Anyone who can be so miserly with their own young child involved makes me so angry at the lack of care and love.

Has he been like this the whole 11 years?

It sounds like not only he’s ot contributing, but he’s costing you money by not paying his share.

Have you done a list of pros and cons? What are the pros?

@PramPusherCentral thanks for the reply!
Yes he's been like this most of the 11 years. Don't get me wrong we do have good times but I'm feeling the bad out weigh the good. It's always his way or no way.
I have a horse and have done all my life and he's tried to get me to sell him as he doesn't like the horse life style even tho he has nothing to do with it what so ever as I do it all in my own time. It's like he's jealous of me having me own hobby and spending my money on it even tho all my bills are payed so I am entitled to spend the rest of my money on what ever I like!

Get your facts together - every penny and present it to him.

Then say my share is X and this is the joint account I’ll pay into - yours need to be in every 28th of the month

I pay all of the bills in the house where as he only pays for food shopping.. I think this is unfair as he's earning 5× what I earn!

Of course it's unfair. It's more than that, it's financially abusive.

On what planet does a full grown adult man live bill-free and only contribute towards a child's hobby and think that's a fair contribution? It's the Planet User.

Don't move somewhere you and your son don't want to go and isn't suitable for you.

He should go there on his own. You'd be better off without this leech.

@@Totaly i have tired this and he still reckons he's pulling the short straw. Coz he has his own building business he has to pay for the vans and obviously materials for each job so he reckons he has enough to pay for so I should be paying for the house bills but I don't agree.

Why are you engaged?
Do you love him?
What does he bring to your life?

@Gnomegnomegnome yes I do love him well I think I do. Tbh I don't know what he's bringing to my life at this point. I feel like it's all I know and this is what life is like I suppose. I'm worried if I leave I may have made a wrong decision and can't turn back

As I suspected, he’s not only miserly when it comes to money, he resents you having a fantastic hobby that makes you happy and is so good for mental and physical health.

Do you think this man wants good for you?
Do you think he wants to see you thrive and prosper?

Ask yourself this sincerely and think long and carefully from many angles.

That's bullshit.

Business expenses don't come out of his pocket: they come out of the business accounts. If he knows how to run a business, those expenses will calculated into his pricing of jobs. He should also be able to pay himself a wage to live on, enough to cover a normal person's living expenses.

He's just ripping the piss out of you.

@category12 I totally agree and part of me already knows this but when I try talking to him about money and finances he always makes me feel like I'm being out of order and turn the whole convocation around. Even though in my head I know what's rite he makes be believe im being out of order and taking the piss

I would let him go he's putting his needs and wants above you both. What if you move and you hate it and your dc does? the resentment you will feel will ruin whar relationship you have. He sounds very selfish and tight with his money.
Good luck!

Of course he does.

After all, what's in it for him to change things?

He's on easy street - you pay for everything at home, do everything at home, basically support him - and have zero claim on his assets.

Send him on his way and claim cms

I'm afraid he saw you coming. He's fucking terrible and I don't think you really love him at all. How could you? I think you just lie to yourself to make it through the day.

Get rid of him. It's not like you need him for anything.

@category12 you couldn't be more true. I literally do everything around the house he literally doesn't have to lift a finger, even with our son I'm the one who does school runs and beds times and takes him anywhere he needs to go and also work part time my self and sort our dogs and he helps with none of this. When I ask him to get his act together around the house and clean up after him self he basically thinks it's mu Job to coz I work part time and he works full time it's my job to do all the house work as well.

Just say it's hard enough paying all the bills myself in a house and area I enjoy mind moving and doing it somewhere I don't want to!! you pay the bills. So you call the shots!! He's a using bastard. Let him bloody move on his own then, he's calling your bluff. And if he does go...highly doubt it...then you've done yourself a favour

Kick him out.
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