Please give me your separation advice!

[Friedeggsandspam]

I am separating from DH - we have been together since we were young and have two DC early secondary age. It is a mutual decision but I am terrified - I have never lived alone before. Kids will be 50/50.

Those who have been through it - what advice would you give to someone just about to separate? Particularly on how to handle being away from kids, being alone with kids, and living alone in general - what would you tell your former self? Thank you!

Treat the life admin as one issue and the emotional side of living alone as a separate issue.
Make your new space your own, put some time and effort into planning that. Sort out your budget and start to collect images of spaces, furnishings and ideas to inspire you. Then work out how to do the things you want within your budget. Make sure you have a comfy chair and a decent bed. Do you want a library, a craft area, do you really need a TV? Will you have a garden?
Explore the are you move to, look for groups and places to visit.
Having activities to do will help you with the transition to living alone, but start with doing stuff for your own benefit.

That it’s absolutely fine! Life is far more peaceful overall.
I became a single parent to four children, two with significant extra support needs, but our home truly is our home annd sanctuary and the now adult children, and I, are all well. You can do this.

Re time without the kids - try and spend it doing things for you. Whether that's reading, seeing friends, long walks. Try and see it as bonus you time to recharge, rather than time without the kids moping for them to return.

I didn't find living on my own (with DC of a similar age to yours) that difficult as I had basically become a bit of a single parent anyway. I already did all the financial stuff and most of the housework and life admin so I just carried on doing what I did but without the resentment.

You might want to use some of your time on your own to start dating at some point. I started mainly as something to do and an adult to spend time with when I didn't have the DC.

Good luck x

I agree with @Sunshineandflipflops the time on your own is a time to recharge. I would read, do long dog walks, binge watch TV, meet friends; I even learnt to sail and saved for our own family yacht which we spend most of our holidays on now!
You have so much worth, not just as Mum but as a woman/friend/adventurer/reader whatever makes you joyful.

Every single one of these is so helpful and gives me hope, thank you! Hopefully they can help others too. It’s such a scary time and feels surreal at the moment.

Any other advice v welcome.

You have so much worth, not just as Mum but as a woman/friend/adventurer/reader whatever makes you joyful.

love this! ❤️