Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don’t feel my partner is interested in our baby

12 replies

maytay36 · 21/11/2023 19:47

Hi I am new on here and would just like some other opinions. I don’t think my situation is that unusual so don’t know if I’m making a bigger deal of it than it needs to be.
Basically I have just had a baby (my first) she is 4 months old. My partner has 2 other children, both girls aged 8 & 5. I love them both dearly, we have full time care of them so I have had a lot of practise of being a mum before mine came along!
he just doesn’t seem interested in her at all. He does no day to day care for her, barely holds her, I think he’s done bath and bed about 4 times since she’s been born. I’ve said to him many times about this and he says all I need to do is ask for help. But I’m kind of like why should I ask for help, she’s your baby too and your not ‘helping’ me look after her, surely it’s a joint thing?
I always feel j have to ask if I want to go out, or get him to do ANYTHING with her.
We had a massive argument a few weeks ago about it. Took me nearly breaking down and practically begging him to step up, but nothings really changed.
I know he loves her, it’s not really about whether he cares for her, just his total lack of interest in the day to day stuff. We split everything pretty much with the other 2, I’d never want him to feel he has to ask me to do anything for them, I do it because I love them and him. I don’t think I’m asking too much for the same?
anyway long post..sorry. Would be good to hear some thoughts.
thankyou :-)

OP posts:
Firefly2009 · 21/11/2023 19:54

So you’re a full time mum to two children that aren’t yours, but your DP isn’t even a part time dad to a child that IS his? On top of that, you’ve expressed your feelings and explained this logically as well (I presume) and nothing has changed.

I assume you haven’t legally adopted his two children so strictly speaking they’re not your responsibility.

So, on the basis that you can’t change your DP, what will you do? Accept your fate, make some savage power moves, or move on?

MeinKraft · 21/11/2023 19:57

This is a tale as old as time I'm afraid. The only cure I've ever found is to just leave the baby with them and head out. No begging or pleading or giving instructions just 'I'm off out.'

EvenBetta · 21/11/2023 20:01

So sad to see yet another thread by a woman who picked a bloke desperate to palm off his kids. It’ll be an incredibly damaging dynamic for all these kids to see your boyfriend playing favourites. Is he really all you want in life?

EvenBetta · 21/11/2023 20:06

Also, don’t let anyone try to say he might improve once your kid is older, he needs to be a parent now . Otherwise there’s no point to him.

category12 · 21/11/2023 20:08

I wonder if him being a shit dad was part of the reason he's no longer with his older children's mother.

BoredOfBeingTired · 22/11/2023 06:15

You had a baby with a man that was happy to palm his existing children off on his new sqeeze (you!) and are the surprised when he shows no interest in the new baby?
He really saw you coming OP.

GreyCarpet · 22/11/2023 07:36

How much does he do for his other two children? Or is that all left to you too?

Bananalanacake · 22/11/2023 12:26

How long were you together when you moved in, was it his idea as he couldn't possibly look after his own DC on his own.

EvenBetta · 22/11/2023 14:06

@GreyCarpet its in the OP that they split everything for the mans other two kids. Pretty unfair of him to have his girlfriend half raising his first 2 kids and entirely raising his new kid by herself as he does fuck all. I’d find it impossible to be attracted to, or respect such a man.
@maytay36 never replied to her thread, anyway.

CottonC · 22/11/2023 17:59

BoredOfBeingTired · 22/11/2023 06:15

You had a baby with a man that was happy to palm his existing children off on his new sqeeze (you!) and are the surprised when he shows no interest in the new baby?
He really saw you coming OP.

This .

@maytay36 why on earth did you take on some random man's kids?? He's not even bothered to commit to you and the relationship by marrying you (so they would be your step kids).

It's also unfair on his daughters- as boyfriend/girlfriend, his relationship with you could end instantly at anytime yet he's brought another woman into their lives as a free childminder/replacement mother (and probably free housekeeper too), not caring how unsettling this would be for his children.

Goodornot · 22/11/2023 18:04

BoredOfBeingTired · 22/11/2023 06:15

You had a baby with a man that was happy to palm his existing children off on his new sqeeze (you!) and are the surprised when he shows no interest in the new baby?
He really saw you coming OP.

And he hasn't even married her. She calls him her partner not husband.

Full time mum to his first 2 kids without even the security of marriage. Best go back to work OP as you're entitled to nothing of his if you split.

Quite honestly I'd stop looking after his two children amd worry about your own.

GreyCarpet · 22/11/2023 18:54

EvenBetta · 22/11/2023 14:06

@GreyCarpet its in the OP that they split everything for the mans other two kids. Pretty unfair of him to have his girlfriend half raising his first 2 kids and entirely raising his new kid by herself as he does fuck all. I’d find it impossible to be attracted to, or respect such a man.
@maytay36 never replied to her thread, anyway.

Ah, I missed that! Yes, very unfair.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page