Please help to settle an argument

[Doodles29]

We were due to go and see my boyfriend’s Mum this evening. When I returned home from work, I asked my boyfriend if this was still the case. He said he wasn’t sure as he hadn’t heard from his Mum. I explained to him that we need to know otherwise I will start to put dinner on.

As he went into the bathroom to do his business, he said he would message her. He then comes out of the bathroom 15 minutes later and says “Right are you ready then?”

I said “so your mum said yes?”

He said “well yes it isn’t rocket science”.

i told him that I felt like that was a really strange way for him to communicate and it ended in a blazing row and he doesn’t see my point.

He said by him saying “are you ready then?” It meant yes, that we were going to his mums. My view is that it was quite a strange way to communicate. It’s hard to explain how I felt but I know I felt something which annoyed me.

we both have very stressful jobs, so I’m wondering if I’ve reacted badly due to work stress.
Am I being unreasonable?

No, I agree with you. He didn’t tell you what his mum had said so how were you suppose to know to get ready to go!?

I wouldn’t say it’s strange as such. It’s obvious what he meant when he said it.

Yes, he could have said ‘Mum said yes to going round so shall we leave in 5mins’ but I’m not sure it makes much difference.

Seems a very insignificant thing to be bothered by, let alone have a massive row about it. In answer to your question, yes I think you might be stressed/upset about something else and you were being a bit unreasonable.

Hi probably not worth a blazing row funny how they can easily turn isn't it but I agree with you. My other half does this it's annoying!! The thing is if I'm ready to go somewhere you can guarantee he will need the bathroom or I'm just finishing this etc etc. maybe a calm chat and explain you need to know what's going on a reasonable time in advance it doesn't help either after a long stressful day feeling tired and hungry. I don't understand why he didn't know earlier and let you know..

He expected that you would understand his inference. You expected more explicit communication. Most people navigate through this. Possibly you're stressed yes.

It would really annoy me too OP.

I think it's the presumption. He's presumed you'd be ready to go without actually confirming you were going

Thank you everyone. It’s good to know I’m not going crazy because that’s how he makes me feel. Tells me I’m over exaggerating.

Needless to say that he’s now gone to his Mum’s alone. I explained to him that I found it rude and presumptuous, but he just doesn’t get it.

I don’t think it merited a blazing row. Bit OTT, but he should have said mum said yes, ready to go?

Bloody sarcastic and patronising too OP.
And tell him to grow up and stop taking his phone with him when he goes for a shit. Dirty bastard.

It's mildly annoying and a slight miscommunication on both sides. The fact it led to a blazing row is the issue here.

He said “well yes it isn’t rocket science”.

^^ That was nasty on his part. Dismissive and disrespectful, and didn't need to be said. A simple yes would have sufficed. The first part was just a difference in communication styles (still annoying) but he had to be snippy/sarcastic.

Just seems like you're both tired and crap communication turned into something bigger.

Have a cuddle, a sleep, and move on.

Saying 'are you ready then' is fine if plans have been made to do something, not when you're waiting to hear what the plan is. He was a dick.

I would have assumed that if a plan had been made (i.e. to go and visit MIL) and she hadn’t communicated that the plan had changed, then the plan was still going ahead. I think you confused matters by querying the plan & caused unnecessary uncertainty.

The “it’s not rocket science” would have pissed me off though!

Sounds like you were both tired and needed to wind down.

He was rritating and dismissive. Not worth a huge row but if he's often unnecessarily sarcastic l can see how that would be annoying.